The Noble Path

[cmosier]

Guilt

Byrun stirs in his quarters. The night was restless. Cold. Lonely. He stands; it's early dawn and he makes his way to the Drunken Dragon. He places an order with hin woman and sits a table looking out the window.

She has given me everything I asked for and more. I've never experienced anything like this before in my life. It is complete. It is unconditional. It's... amazing. I am in love with this woman.

Her place is with me and mine is with her.

She has risked everything for me. I've learned so much about the people in the Valley. Their thoughts on my Family as well as their plots against it. My only regret is that it's information from those that should seek me in common cause. I don't think there is a common cause in the Valley anymore. It might come down to sitting back, digging in, and picking up the pieces later.

Byrun rubs his temples. The conversation from earlier that night playing over in his mind.

"After the things I've done for others, I would like a little trust and acceptance."

"You speak of the foundations of love, yet you reject love itself."

"I don't reject love."

"You rejected mine!"

Guilt was something I've learned to ignore. I've learned to shut it out. It stopped being an emotion and became a monster... a shadow that haunted my dreams. It was easier that way. Killing is a remorseless act. As it should be. The shadows of guilt can stay a warrior's hand it it's needed the most.

The things is... I'm not always a warrior.

The young hin chimes in. "Yer food is ready, Commander." Byrun closes his book and grabs the two meals and heads upstairs.

[cmosier]

the Price of Failure

Byrun, drinking heavily, looks at the blank page in front of him.

I, Lord Byrun van Hellstrom, being unable to meet the standards as Blackwood Company Commander, hear by resi..

The young noble curses as he balls the paper up and throws it against wall.

"Fuck!" He quickly pours himself another drink.

I don't know what I stand for anymore. I want to feel the warmth of the light but all those who follow it set restrictions. Gods... Should I have followed Lihana? She had her faith and code. I was always second or so seemed. I loved her. At least I think I did. I'm not sure now if she loved me or loved being with me. Loved the idea of me. Alice was the same way. She thought of me as some grand solution. I pushed her away as well.

River loves me completely. More than breathing, as she often tell me. I think I'm finding that's my issue is... I'm not particularly fond of who I am. Maybe, I just don't know who I am.

I'm losing my Mercenaries. My latest order did not sit well with them and they've made it clear. I could not possibly turn a blind eye and remain silent on that issue. The members of the Triad have treated me poorly and treated those they thought associated with me, poorly. However... I cannot relent on the request of my Mercenaries. I cannot allow myself to cross into the darkness. Not like that.

I'm a failure when it comes to love because I've been trained to ignore it.

I'm a failure as a Commander because I've tasted compassion and desire the warmth it brings.

I'm a failure as a Noble because deep down... I desire freedom over power.

Death or exile? Either has to be better the conflict I feel in my mind, in my heart, and in my soul.

[cmosier]

The Reward for Kindness

Kindness is its own reward... that's how the old saying goes. I beg to differ. I've found the only thing that my kindness has granted me is pain and loss. My Family has a reputation in this Valley and thus far any selfless act I've managed has been seen as weakness. My enemies, who I didn't realize were my enemies until recently, have chosen to exploit these acts against me.

I suppose it's time to remind the people of the Valley why my Family has the reputation it has. I am treated as tyrant. If it's a tyrant they want, a tyrant they shall have.

Byrun stops and pours himself a drink. His attention is briefly diverted as his young half-elven companion stirs in the bed. She grabs one of the pillows and pulls it close.

She's looking for me.

He takes his drink and returns to the book in front of him.

I will push through with my plans. Any who try to stop me will not die well. I do not fear the Emperor or his pitiful brigade of zealots. They may be able to take me down, but I'll destroy as many as I can before I go. The damage I'll cause will not die with me, either. It will be permanent. Lasting. It will stand as a reminder... do not cross a Hellstrom.

I've no interest in unity with Avanthyr and if they wish it without bloodshed, the price in coin will be steep.

[cmosier]

Division

The Valley is utterly divided. It seems those of us in the North that seek economic freedom and open trade are pitted against the Emperor's forces in the South. I see no way out of this without open war. My Family continues to pay the taxes requested by the Emperor, but his lackeys show nothing but disrespect. The roads remain unsafe and in poor repair while those who seek to insult Hellstrom remain well funded. The Legion is busy harassing travelers who seek comfort by the fire while bandits roam free to rob who they please.

I believe, if there can be a solid unity in Aquor, then perhaps we can free ourselves from the chains of the State. The real question is, do we have the courage to accomplish such a task? It might not even be a question of courage. It's more a question of survival.

Let's hope the dwarves and the Thayans can accomplish the task before them. If not, all this planning would be for naught. The Tyranny of the Emperor and his allies will continue to spread like a plague, choking out trade, completely. The zealots will continue their crusade, turning a blind eye to the commoner who seek the basics; food, shelter, work and coin to provide for their families.

There is one truth that they have forgotten. When you take everything from people, they have nothing left to lose. This fact isn't lost on me and I will use it to my full advantage.

[cmosier]

Untitled

All paths must come to an end eventually. The life and responsibilities that I was born into, I was not meant for. The only positive thing I can walk away with is that I no longer blame myself. The desires of those who sought to oppose me shall be their undoing.

As for me? I'm a man without will or drive. I've slipped into the realm of apathy. The passions and hopes I once had have faded into obscurity. I'm a shell of the man I was when I first returned. I suppose the bad part is that I don't really feel bad about what I've become or what I'll do. I've just learned to accept it.

I wonder what I'll do as the power fades. How will it affect me? Will this even be allowed? Can I even escape? I don't feel I've much of an option. Walking the Common Path has its merits.

Byrun slides a ring off his finger and sets it on the desk.

Perhaps redemption can be found. Perhaps the memory of who I once was or who I'm capable of being.

[cmosier]

Reality

There are a things that people will always refuse to admit. Things that they've been taught growing up to try and make them better people, but in reality, simply aren't true.

The Truth will set you free.

I don't know who in the fuck thought his little gem up. No. The truth is painful. It brings tears and hurt to those you love.

Byrun pauses for a moment. River's words still in his mind.

"We made a promise Byrun! A promise on Stone! How could you do this!"

"I'll never forgive you, Byrun."

She would have never known if I hadn't told her. I'm not sure why I did. I could have let time pass and remained silent. Let the choices I made when my emotions were raw fade into obscurity. There was no freedom this night. By speaking the truth, I destroyed trust.

A good deed is its own reward.

Unfortunately this isn't true. Most "good deeds" will go unnoticed and many require some sort of sacrifice. That seems to be the way of the World. There's a give and take.

One such event happened today. I cannot fully explain everything I saw. I'm not sure what a Ley Line is, nor do I know much about the Nature Worshipers. However, I understand their way of thinking. It is difficult to make a choice where people will die. Sometimes, you must remember what you're taught and follow through with it, regardless if it costs others their lives. In the grand scheme things, what are a few lives? There is a ripple effect. At what cost did you save those lives? The road to ruin is paved with good intentions. Now there's a phrase that holds true.

Blood is thicker than water.

Bullshit. This is used by Family to manipulate other Family Members. I will not write much on this subject. I just want whoever may read this to know, that this is utter bullshit.

The one thing I do believe in; Trade. Trade is the life blood of civilization. People can claim they fight for their ideals. But in the end, if the people they "saved" are returned to squalor, what did they accomplish? They do not need a hand out, they need a hand up. Give them work, not charity.

No... Heroes need the weak to feel important. I say, teach them the skills they need to live on their own. To protect themselves. Break free of the chains of charity and victimization. The Triad needs people to protect. I need people to succeed.

Byrun closes the book and returns to bed. His wife, without hesitation, pulls herself close to the noble and curls into him. Byrun takes a breath and smiles at her.

More than breathing.

[cmosier]

Exile

I found some solace as I watched the Port fade from view. I was reminded that even the most unpleasant of places has some fond memories. The lighthouse was the last thing I saw of Sundren Valley.

Byrun smiles as he looks up.

How fitting...

My thoughts return to those I've met and worked with. Some not so obvious and some didn't turn out so well. I recall the more positive times, however. Perhaps to help me cope.

I befriended a man name Sareth. A practitioner of both the Arcane and Divine. He sought knowledge, sometimes in places he shouldn't have. I was hoping I could keep him from the path he was on, but I failed.

Sergeant Laurana. An elven archer and my loyal body guard. All I had to do was point at a target and give the order, and she would fill said target full of arrow. She was more than mercenary or a body guard. She was a comrade in arms. We were bonded in battle.

Lihana. I remember kissing her in the Aspirations District near the Triadic Temple. It was raining, as usual. Our friendship was brief and our relationship even more so. She fought for me passionately and in the end, her faith won out. I don't fault her and I hope she's at peace with that, where ever she is.

Dryn Stonewhisperer. Dryn is a good friend. There are few I trusted as much I trusted him. In times of doubt, it was well worth the trip to hear his wisdom. I hope his words find their way into my thoughts when I need them most.

Kindra Valentine. She is a sweet young woman. She seemed to always remain optimistic when dealing with me. She knew that I was attached to the darkness, though I doubt she ever knew to what degree. Perhaps the evening and moments we shared, the few she assured me she never spoke of, was justification for her optimism.

Julia. What can be said that I haven't already? I hope we able to pick up where we left off when I return. A fond memory... When I returned to the Valley, her and I were sharing a drink. Evelyn approached and asked her... "What have you here, Julia... a new recruit?" She choked on her drink... to the point where she couldn't even properly introduce me.

Byrun pauses to take drink. He smiles and begins to twist his wedding ring.

River van Hellstrom. I never managed meet with her. I don't think she really wanted to, at least her note hinted at that. I love her still. This ring and my oath will keep me at peace and give me hope, even if in the end, it's lie. I had no choice. My options were few, and all saw me losing her.

Part of me hopes she moves on quickly and finds happiness. A selfish part of me hopes beyond hope that she still loves me and will be overjoyed when I return. I swore on Stone and meant every word. More than breathing.

I will also be constantly haunted by Cyrus. In the end, he was right. Everything he said would happen, has come to pass. Those who I held closest to me... did indeed betray me. I was held to a standard that they themselves couldn't meet.

A part of me says next time will be different. Next time, he will be wrong. Maybe I'm naïve or maybe, secretly, I'm an optimist.

Who knew?