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Upon a choice table, or in his own words a "makeshift stage", the bard known as Osclow brings this song to the patrons of the Rusty Tankard. All is done in hopes of keeping town morale high and helping the tavern's business thrive by distracting the people from the need of raising the price on booze. The song carries with it a rather upbeat tempo and is obviously comical with its lyrics, though that does not keep the bard from making the words sound as alluring as he possibly can.
CHORUS
I once knew a fellow from the land of Amn
Drunk on ambition was he
He had a unique gods-given talent for words
But not much on brain capacity
This is the tale of the bard known as Esren
His adventure was grand, although rather brief
Handsome of surface claimed many a' lass
Though crystal-clear was the fool that laid beneath
T'was a day like this three years ago
Ambition sparked within his eyes of gray
"Osclow!" he said "I'm off to Waterdeep!"
He spent a fortnight going the wrong way
He remembered to bring his mandolin and cloak
His wallet left behind upon his clothing chest
I'd have sent it to him, but with me he was in debt
So, I took what's mine along with a bit of 'interest' *wink*
(repeat chorus)
Without a single coin, Esren's journey started rough
He was forced to make a living serving quail and booze
Not what you'd call the career of an artist
But better than being forced to eat your own shoes
Finally, he found his moment out on the stage
Though when faced before a crowd, he had lost his glee
Gone was the memory of the songs that he had wrote
More accurately, the songs he stole from me
Then a spark of inspiration lit within his mind
As he saw a man in the crowd who was rather large
He spoke of pity for the chairs of which the man did sit
And brought to them a butt sized like a barge
(repeat chorus)
Overnight, Esren's act was called one of success
His fans, both men and women, rose to grand new heights
Though his act tended to make a few choice people mad
Some hired thugs handled all his fights
But came the faithful day when Esren went too far
He pointed out a bearded sort, who brought his kin
After a few choice phrases about the target's lineage
Esren was never heard from again
No one knows the details of what fate befell the bard
The idea of what happened, made many shudder
But with his passing on, came a new rule for the stage
You never EVER mock a dwarf's mother
(repeat chorus once more for the conclusion)
CHORUS
I once knew a fellow from the land of Amn
Drunk on ambition was he
He had a unique gods-given talent for words
But not much on brain capacity
This is the tale of the bard known as Esren
His adventure was grand, although rather brief
Handsome of surface claimed many a' lass
Though crystal-clear was the fool that laid beneath
T'was a day like this three years ago
Ambition sparked within his eyes of gray
"Osclow!" he said "I'm off to Waterdeep!"
He spent a fortnight going the wrong way
He remembered to bring his mandolin and cloak
His wallet left behind upon his clothing chest
I'd have sent it to him, but with me he was in debt
So, I took what's mine along with a bit of 'interest' *wink*
(repeat chorus)
Without a single coin, Esren's journey started rough
He was forced to make a living serving quail and booze
Not what you'd call the career of an artist
But better than being forced to eat your own shoes
Finally, he found his moment out on the stage
Though when faced before a crowd, he had lost his glee
Gone was the memory of the songs that he had wrote
More accurately, the songs he stole from me
Then a spark of inspiration lit within his mind
As he saw a man in the crowd who was rather large
He spoke of pity for the chairs of which the man did sit
And brought to them a butt sized like a barge
(repeat chorus)
Overnight, Esren's act was called one of success
His fans, both men and women, rose to grand new heights
Though his act tended to make a few choice people mad
Some hired thugs handled all his fights
But came the faithful day when Esren went too far
He pointed out a bearded sort, who brought his kin
After a few choice phrases about the target's lineage
Esren was never heard from again
No one knows the details of what fate befell the bard
The idea of what happened, made many shudder
But with his passing on, came a new rule for the stage
You never EVER mock a dwarf's mother
(repeat chorus once more for the conclusion)