The Modern Epics of Sir Norian Strummer

[Tornik]

A tale performed by the well-traveled bard, Norian Strummer upon the defeat of the beast from under the inn

"Come one, come all. Come short, come tall.
Come see the thing the alfling' slain.
With a mighty stroke of is club ee' caused it great pain,
the beast that frightened fair aired' Dain.

Come see the beast, let's have a feast
Let's pour us some ale, let's rid our face of the pale
Come see the beast the alfling' as' slain
the beast that frightened fair aired' Dain.

The beast oo' ate the paladin's money
Didn't find the alfing's strike very funny
Come see the beast the alfling' as' slain
the beast that frightened fair aired' Dain
Come see the beast the alfling' as' slain
Let's thank the gods for our ero' Xaayne!"

[Tornik]

There.... was a dwarf oo' lived on a wharf
oo' had a great big (h)oard, is' treasure was ale
ee' drank from every pale till it filled up his belly
twas all ee' drank as is' arse was rather smelly

Ee'... pounded em' down from town to town
challenging those oo' were brave, ee'd win them over
and over and ee'd still be sober ee' could out drink o'thousand
knave.

Ee'.. Searched far and wide to find a bride
oo' could drink as much as ee', but no one was
found world round' from what anyone could see
Ee' challenged em' all, big and small to find
an opponent worthy.

Til.. ee' walked right up to a beast, who was
surprised to say the least, and ee' challenged er'
right there. They drank for days, they drank for nights
until neither of them could keep a straight stare.

She was a... giant dragon who could andle' a flagon
and she would bet er' tail that
she could drink more ale.
They came out even
ee' introduced himself as Stephen, saying ee' didn't
care about their difference in scale

Now they.. drink all day drink all night
livin' deep in er' lair. they gotta great big (h)oard
more ale than you could afford churnin' in their bellies.
People stop and stare, but they don't care
the dwarf and the dragon, the happily married
drunken pair.

[Tornik]

twas a warm and sunny afternoon

<pause filled with notes>
<happy tune and beat>

so our ero' the alflin' made is way
down to the waters to fish for the day
Luck was not iz, Ee' barely ad' a bite
and thought he'd be go ungry for the night,

twas a gleam in the water caught iz' eye.
Twas a fin of a beast or somethin' not righ',
twas prowlin the waters so dark so deep.
Without a esitation, the
alfling gripped situatation'
ee dove right in and swam ard' tward the beast,

the waters were dark, but ee' knew it was a shark
down in the waters so deep
now a normal man would have flee, but not the alfing' ya see
ee punch it not once not twice, but two more than thrice
and carried it out for the world to see

upon is mighty back, ee carried a weight
that would make an average man's bones break,
and before ee knew before ee could see it the shark was awake.

Try as ee' might the alfin' couldn't believe iz' sight
as the shark got right up and took to the sky in flight.
the shark tried to get away, but not this day
as the alfing jumped up is way

ee grabbed old' as the shark began to fold to the alfing's will
ee the rode it to show it to Second Wind Inn,
the monster ee caught by it's fin.

<somber sad chords and slowed tembo>
But there was an elf oo' be named Tigen
and oo' for no apparent reason
was very quite jealous
and with is magic, quite over zealous.
ee' shot at the shark
itting' iz mark sending the alfing' tumblin.

<now back to the happy chords and tempo>
He foiled our ero'
making iz efforts in vain,
Tigen the bastard shot our mighty Xaayne.

[Tornik]

A song thought of on the spot for two halflings who requested a song about an intelligent muskrat named Tim.

"There was a muskrat, small, weak, and mild. E' wasn't considered much out in the wild. Ee's brother was mean, 'is cousin was cruel, Ee' 'ad to fall under everyone's rule!"

"Ee' was stepped on and considered useless, tried to convince em' different, but 'is efforts were fruitless. The muskrat's name was Tim, 'is outlook was rather grim. There seemed on future for 'im. Cus the muskrat. Tim was told ee' was too slim."

"Then one day to remember 'ere an after, the muskrats were preted upon by a raptor! They tried to run and flee, but not Tim ya see, cus ee' knew what to do! Ee' climbed up the tree 'igher and 'ighter til ee' got by the raptor's face a lit a great big fire!"

"On that very day Tim scared the raptor away, ee' saved the muskrat village! Ee' was in their favor cus ee' was their savior. Ee' was small, weak, and mild, but ee' was the bravest muskrat child! Smarter than the rest, Tim became the best!"

"Now ee's an old man, living in the land, the place where ee' grew up. Once the smallest, the weakest, the mildest, now ee's the oldest, the richest, the wisest. Tell in the story ow' a weak young muskrat drove the raptor away!"

"Ee' says some day you'll grow up and do great things. And each muskrat has something different to the table ee' brings. So when you're older and choose a lover, don't choose a book by it's cover."


-----oh the awesomeness of little to no thought.