A Letter to the Emperor or Whomever Reads His Mail

[sonuvalich]

Greetings to you, mighty Emperor or person who reads letters to him so he does not have to be bothered!

My name is Artemis Sunstrider (but you can call me Arty), and I have heard of your food shortages and it makes me very sad to think of all those poor people going hungry. My almost-wife Thresh has been trying to get signatures for a petition to do something about it, and I'm hoping that works for her because she's too sweet and working too hard for it not to! But since every little bit helps, I thought I would write to you to offer up my services. Thresh and Maine and I have a small cabin in the woods, and I would be more than happy to clear some land around it to grow crops to help the city. Also, I am a dedicated servant of the Morninglord, and I literally leave sunlight in my wake. If I can offer my abilities in any way to help with food-growing needs of the city, I will be there! I don't care if you tie me up in a greenhouse to grow food by Arty-ficial sunlight, just please do something to help all those poor hungry people. Thanks and long live the you!

Artemis Sunstrider

[[DM] Grinning Death]

A clerk opens the letter, high in the upper reaches of the Castrum. His bespectacled gaze scans the letter once. He closes his eyes momentarily, and wishes he were someplace warm and with white beaches.

Then he tears the letter into two, and tosses it into the wastebasket.

"Someone had too much sun." He murmurs as he moves onto the next letter.