A hole in the soul

[Maevan2]

„I can't give her up as I still love her as I had the day i was ready to give my life for her“

Tayien heard Cirion's word but they seemed to be coming from miles away.

„I'm sorry i can't be man devoted to you. The man you'd want me to be, the man you want to be your own“

She has been preparing herself for this moment the whole day, thinking what she would say, what she would do. But now she just sat on the edge of his bed, pale and yet still beautiful, and tried to understand what he just said. Trying to figure out what just happened to her dream. Trying to understand. Trying to stand the pain she suddenly felt inside her chest. The emptiness, the black dark hole in her soul.

She had known his answer in the very moment she asked him the day before. The moment when she asked him whether he would hers or the other one's. The other one – Yashia. He used to call her his true love. And Tayien used to agree. She could see the look in his eyes when he looked at the other one. And Tayien was happy for him - and her. She called them her friends. Both of them. But then she heard how their relationship was breaking apart and suddenly her feelings for Cirion returned. And they grew stronger. Stronger than they have been ever before. She hasn't planned what happened. But the more time they spent together the stronger their feelings grew. It – just happened. Like it happens a million times every day.

But now the dream was over. He didn't mean to hurt her. But he could have just ripped her heart out of her chest and thrown it down into a dark, deep and cold chasm. It wouldn't have made any difference.

Cirion kneeled before her and held her hand. He tried to take the pain away from her. To give her hope. But there was no heart that could hope. There was just this emptiness inside her chest where she felt joy and happiness just a few days ago.

Cirion kept on talking. But she didn't hear his words, didn't feel his hand. The world around her turned gray and cold while she still tried to understand what just happened. She had known his answer all the time, that he would chose the other one if he had to make a choice. But today she learned the huge difference between knowing an answer and fully understanding and accepting it.

Cirion was still talking to her when she turned her head and looked at him. Tayien's eyes began to fill with tears but she didn't even notice that. She looked at the man she loved – the man what would never be hers. And suddenly she began to smile but it wasn't her warm smile when she is happy. It was a desperate and sad smile. She leaned over to him and gave him a short kiss on his cheek. Then she stood up.

„I think i should leave now“

She walked to the door without saying anything more. Her dream was over. No, it wasn't just over. It turned into a nightmare. The world around her turned dark and cold in the fraction of a second. And Tayien was alone in this world with nothing but a hole in her soul.

[Maevan2]

On the very same day Tayien was seen hanging around in the Menacing Mariner. She was obviously drunk. But considering what just happened before she seemed to be in an astonishing good mood. Those who knew her would have said that something was wrong – very wrong. But there was nobody there to stop her. Just a bunch of drunken sailors that were far away from their families or didn't have any families at all.

Tayien knew what they wanted. And what she wanted – or at least what she thought that she wanted. She picked the one that seemed to be less dirty then the rest and smiled at him. And he smiled back. It didn't take long till they both left the inn with other sailors making blue jokes behind their backs.

During the next day Tayien became a permanent guest at the Menacing Mariner. On some days she just drank all night, starring at the bottles in front of her and pitying herself. But usually she left the inn with one of the sailors following here with certain grin on his face.

This went on for more than a week till something happened one night. She was already half drunk again and was about to pick tonights company when she suddenly saw her mirror image in one of the windows. And what she saw made her shiver. That woman in the window, was that really her? What the hell was she doing here? What did she become. She looked around, looked at the drunken sailors and how they looked at her. Like they looked at the whore. Yes, that was what she has become within those few days. And suddenly she felt the same pain again that she felt when Cirion told her his decision. But this time it was even worse. Because this time it was herself who hurt her. This was not the decision of somebody else. This was the decision of a woman that was about to throw her life away. Suddenly the room around her started to spin and Tayien started to panic. She had to get of of there!

She rushed to the door, bumped into a few of the sailors but she didn't even notice that. There was just thought on her mind: get out of here!