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"...It's time now. My time now." Hano reassures himself within his thoughts while tugging on his bag. With it secure over his shoulder he pressed through the crowd of people, giving Tamryn an occasional glance so as not to stray too far from her. He felt secure amongst the rustle and bustle of merchants, immigrants, and those leaving the Gates of the Sunderer.
It gave him insignificance. A comfort that most overlook; knowing that there was none looking to him for answers. That they would learn to adapt, grow, learn, and face the challenges that every day will present without him and from that they would find the answers that are sewn within their very own hearts -- "The people will grow strong from this."
"And then there's..." The paladin stops in the middle of the crowd, not paying mind to those pushing through him. "I must fix the code within my heart. I've willingly stepped upon a self-destructive path, and gladly walk it -- But." He looks up to find Tamryn through the crowd, searching for her white hair and pale skin. Secretly hoping to find those serene, light blue, eyes staring back at him.
"My weakness has drawn her into this. She knew better that time in the Viridale, but because I was unsure, so insecure about losing 'Hano Fetten' that I threw it all down on the line. Against her decision, I acted on my emotions -- On the fleeting feeling that I might find something within her. And I did. That relationship, my vicarious existence through her, to find and remember what I was so worried I'd lose." A feint frown crosses his face, the only indication to his thoughts as he continued pressing forward against the dampened and muddy road with slow and steady steps.
"I so openly judge Cirion, but I'm no better. She decided what was best for her. For me. But I took advantage of her emotions, acting on my own, and here we are. It's been a while, but I still remember how it tasted -- That kiss. Even then, I can't honestly say I regret it, but now I question how faulty my judgment was. How faulty it still is. When push comes to shove, I've taken far more from Tamryn than I could ever give and all out of selfish desire." Hano forces his lips into his all too familiar warm smile, striding in his steps as a paladin would. It isn't too convincing though, after all, he's a paladin -- Not well known for their ability to mask their thoughts or the emotions that come with them.
"She's taken to my side, and I'm not even sure why. Does she genuinely love 'Hano Fetten'? Why would she? I can't protect her. What comfort can be found in a man that couldn't defend her within the very city he swo-- No, stop. I doubt myself, but not her. That's why..." The paladin draws in a long breath of air.
"That's why I'll take this time I've been blessed with by, The True, to find these answers. To better understand the bond between me and Tamryn, to understand what I've lost when bringing Osclow to life, and to learn what I had gained when doing so -- Lionheart. There might be a day where Sundren needs the paladin Hano Fetten, but that day is not today, nor will it be in the near future. However, when it comes I will be at my best."
With that, his determination to continue was fortified. He would leave the valley known as Sundren and with few to little knowing where he was bound. Which was best, lest they worry about a poisoned dagger through their spine during their travels.
A journey for marriage, but oh so much more to the paladin. Perhaps, Tamryn, as well.
"In confronting difficult matters, if at first you leave it alone, fix the code in your heart, exclude self-interest, and make an effort, you will not go far from your mark." -- Precepts of the Code
It gave him insignificance. A comfort that most overlook; knowing that there was none looking to him for answers. That they would learn to adapt, grow, learn, and face the challenges that every day will present without him and from that they would find the answers that are sewn within their very own hearts -- "The people will grow strong from this."
"And then there's..." The paladin stops in the middle of the crowd, not paying mind to those pushing through him. "I must fix the code within my heart. I've willingly stepped upon a self-destructive path, and gladly walk it -- But." He looks up to find Tamryn through the crowd, searching for her white hair and pale skin. Secretly hoping to find those serene, light blue, eyes staring back at him.
"My weakness has drawn her into this. She knew better that time in the Viridale, but because I was unsure, so insecure about losing 'Hano Fetten' that I threw it all down on the line. Against her decision, I acted on my emotions -- On the fleeting feeling that I might find something within her. And I did. That relationship, my vicarious existence through her, to find and remember what I was so worried I'd lose." A feint frown crosses his face, the only indication to his thoughts as he continued pressing forward against the dampened and muddy road with slow and steady steps.
"I so openly judge Cirion, but I'm no better. She decided what was best for her. For me. But I took advantage of her emotions, acting on my own, and here we are. It's been a while, but I still remember how it tasted -- That kiss. Even then, I can't honestly say I regret it, but now I question how faulty my judgment was. How faulty it still is. When push comes to shove, I've taken far more from Tamryn than I could ever give and all out of selfish desire." Hano forces his lips into his all too familiar warm smile, striding in his steps as a paladin would. It isn't too convincing though, after all, he's a paladin -- Not well known for their ability to mask their thoughts or the emotions that come with them.
"She's taken to my side, and I'm not even sure why. Does she genuinely love 'Hano Fetten'? Why would she? I can't protect her. What comfort can be found in a man that couldn't defend her within the very city he swo-- No, stop. I doubt myself, but not her. That's why..." The paladin draws in a long breath of air.
"That's why I'll take this time I've been blessed with by, The True, to find these answers. To better understand the bond between me and Tamryn, to understand what I've lost when bringing Osclow to life, and to learn what I had gained when doing so -- Lionheart. There might be a day where Sundren needs the paladin Hano Fetten, but that day is not today, nor will it be in the near future. However, when it comes I will be at my best."
With that, his determination to continue was fortified. He would leave the valley known as Sundren and with few to little knowing where he was bound. Which was best, lest they worry about a poisoned dagger through their spine during their travels.
A journey for marriage, but oh so much more to the paladin. Perhaps, Tamryn, as well.
"In confronting difficult matters, if at first you leave it alone, fix the code in your heart, exclude self-interest, and make an effort, you will not go far from your mark." -- Precepts of the Code
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