Of Moonlight and Shadow, Dreams and Destiny

[Elusa]

(( This is a general junkyard for Elusa-related RP posts. It jumps around a bit, but generally chronicles Elusa's activities. Anyone is free to post here, but I request you run it by me first. ))

Sleep has never come easy to me. It never comes as quickly, never leaves as quickly. It is as if my blood, my body longs for sleep. Not the transient trance-like state other elves require. Where they might rest less than half as long as a human, my body stays dormant for five, six, seven hours for a full night's rest. While I sleep, the dreams assault me every night. Sometimes peaceful, other times nightmares the like of which no mortal should ever have to see. At times I have visions, not knowing whether they are of the past, future, or present. And once they are over, once I finally awaken, I never feel rested, never content. No, I am not like my kin.
- Elusa, Druidess of Selûne

Elusa collapsed that night on her lightly padded bed of leaves, inside an uninhabited cave not far from the Viridale border. It was not a luxurious place to sleep. The 'bed' was mostly thinly disguised rock, the temperature was often too cold for comfort, and the cave was regularly invaded by all manner of beasts, sentient and otherwise. Even so, she refused to vacate it for any reason. While it lacked the open atmosphere of a normal forest camp and the comforts of an inn, it protected her well from the rain and had a feeling of permanence about it. Her wolf companion Aidell lived there, as well as her pet cat Setsune. To put it briefly, it felt like home.

For a moment Elusa considered recording the night's events in her recently acquired journal. She had bought it from a local trader, mostly on a whim. She was never one to forget anything, but she often wondered, if she died, who would remember who she was. Not simply who she looked like, who she acted like. But who she was on the inside, her heart, her longings. She truly had no one to tell those private things to, no one who would be able to keep her spirit alive long after she was dead. Before she could even contemplate writing further, she drifted off into a restless sleep.

When Elusa opened her eyes once more, she was sitting up, her journal between her legs. It was opened to a page, but it was not empty as expected. The page was filled with gold lettering, in a language she did not understand. She stared at it in pure confusion, and as she looked around the cave for an intruder, someone playing a trick on her. But as she scanned the cave with her acute elven eyes and ears, the only thing she saw was her two closest friends, Aidell and Setsune. And the only answer they returned was a look of equal confusion.

In a rush, Elusa packed away the book and dashed out of the cave. If there was a trickster about, she planned to find him. But the intruder, she would never find. Because the writing was her own.

[Elusa]

Did you ever think, "It's not worth it"? Is it worth everything we give up, all the chances we lost? Just to make sure someone else gets one more chance? Those we save, do they even deserve what we give them? And when we die, will they mourn our deaths? Will they even remember everything we did for the greater good? Or will we find no more peace in death than the dirt above and below us?

But to travel this path means acknowledging all of this. It means putting others before ourselves, even as they spit in our faces and kick us while we're down. It means living a life without pride, without honor, but not without determination. It means others will look upon our faces and never see the living souls inside. We are not heroes. We are guardians.

There is no reward for this life. To take a reward is to be a mercenary. To take pride is to be a hero. To take honor is to betray purpose. There are no loans in this life. You cannot owe or be owed. Those you save may thank you, they may hate you. But thanks must be accepted and immediately discarded. To give one life precidence over another is abandon this life.

Was it worth it? Would I choose this life again if I had the chance? Yes, I would. But I would never ask the same of anyone else. It was my decision that every life is precious, none more so than any other. It was my decision that my own life is not more important than any other. But these are difficult truths to understand. Yes, it was worth it. But not for myself. For everyone I've met, everyone I've saved, it was worth it for them.

-From the diary of Elusa, Druidess of Selûne.

[Elusa]

The dreams, visions, whatever they were had worsened. What was six hours had become ten, then twelve. She no longer wrote two or three pages but a dozen or more. And yet no mysteries were illuminated for her. She was still unable to read the writings, unable to properly rest, unable to escape the fact that she had no way to control it all. It scared her, truly. The cave that had once seemed safe was now a death trap, and not even her animal companions could wake her. It was reluctantly that she left her cave behind, knowing that she needed a safe haven. Somewhere that she could be safe and alone, certain she would not be disturbed. And so it was one rainy day that she moved to the Sundren Comfort Inn. The prices were steep, and she was forced to leave Aidell behind, but the locks were sturdy and the rooms secure. Yet sleep found her again soon enough.

Elusa woke again that morning, as the sun rose and shined through the window. She sat up, eyes still closed. Though the tome had been secured within her bedside chest, it appeared in her hands with a brief flash of light, already opened to a blank page. Her eyes suddenly opened wide, her normally jade eyes completely white, appearing as two miniature moons. She placed a hand over the empty page, and a glowing, milky substance flowed swiftly from her fingertips. The liquid deposited itself on the page, forming intricate letters and adorning the borders of the pages in runes. It was no less than a half hour before she finally stopped, a score of pages completed. As her eyes turned back to normal and her consciousness returned, Elusa sighed heavily. She was still exhausted, perhaps more so than when she had gone to sleep. Her eyes weighed heavily, wishing to return to sleep. But she shook herself, refusing to give in. "I cannot sleep any longer. There is much to be done this day."

Elusa forced herself to her feet. She found Setsune curled up at her feet, and she did her best not to wake her. Best to let the cat sleep, she thought. She wished very much that she could do the same.

[Elusa]

The battle of Shar's Abandon would haunt Elusa for many weeks to come. The blood, the death, the shadows did not frighten her. She had seen those things a hundred times before, and each time faced them without fear. The Cube was shattered, the avatar destroyed. There were many casualties, but it was to be expected. What was there to be afraid of? No, she was not haunted by any outward consequences of the battle. Her struggle raged inward, as she considered what she had been forced to do during the battle.

Elusa had joined the Legion, for what reason, she did not know. Perhaps it was not a decision at all, just a feeling that they would need her help. And so they did, but she had not prepared for exactly how much. Even carrying more than enough bandages and herbs to patch up the small army, she found her supplies inadequate. She prayed for spells of healing from the Moonmaiden, keeping only minor protection spells for herself. She carried scrolls, potions, even lending her magical shield and scimitar to a soldier. It could never have been enough.

Elusa held at the rear of the assault, protected suitably by a wall of soldiers. She had brought her bow, but throughout the entire assault, not one arrow left her quiver. She knew that was not her place in this battle. Let the soldiers and paladins handle the enemy, and she would handle the wounded. As they advanced up the mountain, Elusa did her best to patch up those who were not already dead or trampled by the rest of the forces. That was what haunted her.

Elusa knew in her heart she would never be able to help every soldier that fell, but she never thought of how it would affect her. As she made her way up the mountain, there were many who called out for help. Too many. Some were simply bleeding to death, a problem easily solved with the correct application of bandages. But others, broken bones, missing limbs, her time would only be wasted helping them. It was the hardest decision of her life, to leave behind those who cried out in pain and agony. They wanted, needed her help, but there was nothing she could do. How could she choose who lives and who dies? That is the task of a god, something she could never be.

Elusa never stopped praying that entire night. She did not close her eyes, did not become distracted from her duty, but she never stopped praying. She prayed for many things. Prayed that Selûne would lend her strength, that she would know who to help and who to leave. She never once prayed to Lathander, but perhaps her prayers reached to more than one god. When a flash of light appeared, she had hoped Selûne had come to save them. But it was not the Moonmaiden, nor a Shard. It was not Selûne's way to intervene in such a way.

The final retreat was worse than any other moment in the battle for Elusa. She had saved her healing spells for just such a moment, but she could never have carried enough to help everyone. She did not even have enough time. How many of those she had saved in the advance were lost in the retreat? How many had she left behind? She would never know. She franticly cast spells as she fell back, first those given to her in prayer, then scrolls. Before she had used even half of her remaining supplies, a soldier grabbed her arm. He knew she would not stop trying to help until the falling rocks crushed her fragile form. Elusa looked at him angrily for a moment, until she saw the pleading look in his eyes. She then noticed the bandage around his leg. She had helped him in the initial advance. Still, he limped and Elusa knew he would never make it down the mountain alone. She cast one last spell, healing the fractured bone and torn tissue.

Elusa and the soldier escaped, but they did so reluctantly. Neither of them had ever seen or ever would see so much blood, and restful sleep would not find Elusa. The decisions she had been forced to make, the images she had seen, they would not leave her be. She would never forget, even though she surely tried. "Everything is back to normal," she thought. But she knew, nothing would ever be normal again.

[Elusa]

Who am I? Where did I come from? Why am I here? Questions that have no answers have no meaning. I am called Elusa, but that is not my name, not who I am. I cannot even begin to guess where I came from, and only the gods know why I even exist. Seeking answers, always seeking answers, but I know in my heart I will never find them. My parents are dead, and those who gave birth to me likely forgot me long ago. After leaving me on the doorstep of humans, there is little doubt they cared for me less than a grain of rice. It is not something I weep over, but it still leaves me without identity, without the answers most people take for granted.

These last few weeks have left me with less answers than I had before. Once, I knew exactly what I wanted to do. I was content to walk in circles, living the same day for years at a time. And yet, now it seems my life has been given a purpose, but I cannot fathom what that purpose is. Am I supposed to keep living this life, sleeping half a day, and spending the rest of it tired? When I fill up this tome of mysteries, what then? Start another book, and another, until my life is a wall of books? Questions without answers have no meaning.

I pray that Selûne will light other's paths, but I cannot see my own. I can feel her hand, and I know I am not alone, but I am blind to my own purpose. It is a helpless feeling, being unable to control my fate. Where am I headed? What will I have to leave behind? What will I become? I pray now, that Selûne will grant me the wisdom to understand what all of this means. Give my questions meaning.

- From the diary of Elusa, Druidess of Selûne.

[Elusa]

The eve of the Conjuring of the Second Moon soon approaches. I had planned to conduct my own ceremony here in Sundren, but those plans were disrupted by the theft of the Cube. There is no way I can prepare a shrine in time, and so I shall have to leave Sundren and head for the city of Waterdeep. There is a temple complex to Selûne there, which I have not visited since my revival as a druid. They were tentative during my first visit, considering I am one of the few, perhaps the only druid of Selûne. Even the high priestess had not heard of one. This time, I hope I shall be welcomed with open arms. I do pray that they will allow me to participate in the ceremony, perhaps formally induct me into the clergy. That may be asking too much, but perhaps once they hear of my accomplishments in Sundren, they will grant me this.

The trip is at least three hundred miles, perhaps four hundred. Magically enhanced, the trip would take three days, but I believe I can make it in a matter of hours in horse form. Being a druid does has its benefits. The trip might be impossible if I could not get to Waterdeep so quickly, as my current sleep schedule requires that I have a safe place to rest. Once I get there, I shall seek a room at an inn. I normally would seek shelter at the temple, but I do not wish to reveal my current condition so soon. It is not so dire that they need to know, and I feel there is little advice they could provide. I spent enough time with the priestesses to know that it is not a common event, perhaps it is even unique. But I digress. They may offer a room to me, and if it is suitably private, I may take them up on it.

How long shall I be gone? It is difficult to say. I may return immediately after the ceremony or four weeks later. There is nothing holding me here in Sundren, but there is equally little to hold me in Waterdeep. True, my sisters are there, but that simply means I am more helpful spreading the word of Selûne in Sundren. Time will tell, I suppose.

From the diary of Elusa, Druidess of Selûne