Tweet
Right then... This here is the Story, the Story of Bobby T. Longshanks as told by Bobby T. Longshanks himself...or rather, me! This is a story full of adventure, excitement, love, gold and plenty o' snoggin' to go around.
My tale begins in a place far away, a large port city, sitting at the edge of a desert... plenty of danger, crime, deceit, mischeif and overall trouble for a handsome example of exceptional halfling glory like me'self... If I may just say so. Y'see, I lived there for five years o' my life... not that the time before that really mattered, really rather boring..being a smalltime merchant up near Neverwinter an' all that.... but that's the past eh? What really mattered was what defined my existance when I stepped foot into that rugged an' beatdown hole o' crime that was Calimport.
See, after losin' my business to a bad game o' dice... I had ta start over from scratch, an' what better place to start than Calimport right? Plenty o' opportunity to go aroun'....sure, I started out sellin' small trinkets here an' there... bu' after awhile, it started ta get old...an I met the man that woul' change my life forever... Said his name was Vlen Valmorri eh? Some sorta backyard theif an' second story man... taught me a bit o' his trade an' learned me in the manners of pickpocketing an' sneakin' around... showed me how best ta sneak up behind a bloke an' knock 'im out 'afore takin' all his gold an' whatnot.
Everythin' was goin' great... till the bloke wen' an' crossed his boss, some mean ol' pasha, Calimshan Crimelord that is what they call 'em... princes o' the Underground... Poor bloke disappeared... word had it that he had ta skip town, hopped on an' ol' spice caravan an' wen' poof in the night eh?
Course with him gone, I had ta find me an employer, hard ta strike out on yer own as a halflin' in a human world righ'? So I wen' an' joined up with one o' dem theives guilds an' made a livin' off o' that... got me a good bit o' coin too... not quite like my days back as a merchant bu' it lined me pockets an' gave me the thrill o' sneakin' aroun' an' popping purses an' a few backs stabbed 'ere an' there o' course.... Tha's righ'... I was an assassin fer awhile..blade fer hire I'd like ta say.... not that I wen' an killed paladins or lil' ol' ladies an' all that... Don' judge me, hins gotta make a livin' too y'know....not ta mention' the snoggin'... Yeah, the snoggin' was great I tell ya.
Made a reputation fer myself greatest snogger o' them all...I snogged hin, I snogged gnomes, I snogged elves an' humans too... ain' nothin' stoppin' me...course..that was till i wen' an' snogged some beauricrats daughter..wan' too happy with that...didn' have no choice bu' ta make fer the nearest caravan like ol' Vlen did... Carried meself an' me sexy feet all the way across Faerun wit dem carvaners... made me some coin 'long the way... We'll be seein' what happens eh?
My tale begins in a place far away, a large port city, sitting at the edge of a desert... plenty of danger, crime, deceit, mischeif and overall trouble for a handsome example of exceptional halfling glory like me'self... If I may just say so. Y'see, I lived there for five years o' my life... not that the time before that really mattered, really rather boring..being a smalltime merchant up near Neverwinter an' all that.... but that's the past eh? What really mattered was what defined my existance when I stepped foot into that rugged an' beatdown hole o' crime that was Calimport.
See, after losin' my business to a bad game o' dice... I had ta start over from scratch, an' what better place to start than Calimport right? Plenty o' opportunity to go aroun'....sure, I started out sellin' small trinkets here an' there... bu' after awhile, it started ta get old...an I met the man that woul' change my life forever... Said his name was Vlen Valmorri eh? Some sorta backyard theif an' second story man... taught me a bit o' his trade an' learned me in the manners of pickpocketing an' sneakin' around... showed me how best ta sneak up behind a bloke an' knock 'im out 'afore takin' all his gold an' whatnot.
Everythin' was goin' great... till the bloke wen' an' crossed his boss, some mean ol' pasha, Calimshan Crimelord that is what they call 'em... princes o' the Underground... Poor bloke disappeared... word had it that he had ta skip town, hopped on an' ol' spice caravan an' wen' poof in the night eh?
Course with him gone, I had ta find me an employer, hard ta strike out on yer own as a halflin' in a human world righ'? So I wen' an' joined up with one o' dem theives guilds an' made a livin' off o' that... got me a good bit o' coin too... not quite like my days back as a merchant bu' it lined me pockets an' gave me the thrill o' sneakin' aroun' an' popping purses an' a few backs stabbed 'ere an' there o' course.... Tha's righ'... I was an assassin fer awhile..blade fer hire I'd like ta say.... not that I wen' an killed paladins or lil' ol' ladies an' all that... Don' judge me, hins gotta make a livin' too y'know....not ta mention' the snoggin'... Yeah, the snoggin' was great I tell ya.
Made a reputation fer myself greatest snogger o' them all...I snogged hin, I snogged gnomes, I snogged elves an' humans too... ain' nothin' stoppin' me...course..that was till i wen' an' snogged some beauricrats daughter..wan' too happy with that...didn' have no choice bu' ta make fer the nearest caravan like ol' Vlen did... Carried meself an' me sexy feet all the way across Faerun wit dem carvaners... made me some coin 'long the way... We'll be seein' what happens eh?
Comment