Gnomish ramblings

[BedlamX]

A gnome dressed in an Exigo salesman uniform sits at the bar of the Second Wind inn drinking yet another ale. His feet do not touch the floor and just swing casually as he drinks and babbles.

"Exigo bosses don't live underground. They lives in houses and such. Why would my boss call me a bug and be mad at me? And how did he get his voice in my head? Come ta think of it, my boss is a grumpy human guy. How come his voice sounded like a pissed off elfy woman?"

He takes another deep drink and tosses a couple more coins on the bar. "Another, my good man." He says with a smile.

"Hey...um..." He looks around a bit worriedly. "You ain't seen them dark meanies around anymore, have you? They scared me half to death." He shrugs and takes the new mug of ale.

"Course...they chopped all them other all the way to death out front, so I guess I should be happy to be in one piece." Takes a drink with a nervous giggle as the bartender just rolls his eyes and wishes the Triumverate member had not vouched for the silly little gnome so he had to serve him.

He strokes his beard slowly in thought. "hhmmm...I wonder if that spooky, pissed off elfy woman's voice was not my boss at all. I mean, not only did it not sound like him, it was a bunch spookier than him, too. And I don't think he would be pissed off at me just for not living underground. Seems kinda petty, ya know. Oh...what is ire, anyway? And how does one draw it? Just don't make no sense to me."

The gnome finishes his ale and moves to hop off the stool. "Guessin I best get back to my Gnomish Power Armor designs. Might need it ifn them dark meanies come back and start hackin everybody up again." Rubbs his beard a bit more. "Hhmmm...may need to add an extra crossbow and flame thrower to help against them bad meanies. Oooo...and a lightning bolt ejector. Just need some copper and a few gems and some magiks and..." He drones on forever as he walks out of the inn with a glazed over expression.

The bartender goes back to his work, a very relieved expression on his face at the departure of the gnome.

[BedlamX]

A rather silly-looking gnome wearing an Exigo uniform and a pointy red hat makes his way into the Exigo factory lower levels. He rummages through several crates of wheels, pulleys, and gears for hours, giggling every time he finds something he thinks useful. He occasionally removes the heavy crossbow from his back and holds the various treasures up to it in various places, taking measure of what will fit where and how it will work there. Most get thrown back into the crates and barrels, but a few bring forth more giggling and joyous exclamations before being stashed away in one of his various pouches.

After a few hours of this, the gnome, looking very pleased with himself sits on the floor and starts scribbling notes and labeling the various do-hickies he had found. He babbles to himself and is often interrupted by fits of giddy giggling as he figures out another part of the silly contraption he is working on.

"Okie dokie, now. Ifn we increases the tension on this cam and changes the angle of this pully, it should lead to a higher velocity of the string and reduce the drag coeficient by nearly half," he says to no one in particular. "Then we adds some of this...um...slickery stuff to these cables and the bolt channel and we get a smoother release when fired."

He jumps a bit when one of the steam vents releases built up pressure. Then he giggles at his own jumpiness.

"And I was callin that other feller jumpy."

He then looks to the steam vent and grins immensely. "Ooooo...we could adds some steam...well...magical steam...to help it fire even harder and faster." His eyes light up as he has another genius moment. "Oooorrrr...use the steam to turn the cocking lever automatically."

His giggling gets even wilder as his gnomish mind goes into over drive with imaginings.

"Ooooo...and add a box to hold more bolts on the bottom. Cut it out...um...here and add the box below." Rubs his beard a bit in thought before exclaiming "AH-HA!!!"

A couple of the steamsmiths jump a bit at the gnome's shout. He doesn't even notice they are there as he goes back to his wild designing. "A spring in teh box to push the bolts up into place. Why didn't I think of that earlier? Or did I and I just forgot? No matter. It will work...er should work anyway."

He hops up and gathers his notes and piles of parts and makes his way outside. The sun has set in the time he has been in there working and he has to give his eyes a moment to adjust before heading next door to the temple of Oghma to see if the priests there have any ideas to help him bring this little idea to life.

[BedlamX]

The silly little gnome is once again seen inside the temple of Oghma chatting with the various priests about this and that. He spends hours picking their brains about physics and mechanics. He constantly references his note book and even swings the modified crossbow around a few times to show where he thinks each piece should go to make it do what he wants it to do.

The priests sometimes nod and offer their guidance. But, more often, they just shake their heads and sigh as the gnome rambles on about all sorts of nonsesical ideas. They quickly dismiss his wildest ideas such as having the weapon fashion its own ammunition using some sort of tree elemental thingy or having all the shots go through a bubble of holy water to better effect vampires (or as he refers to them, Skeeters). But many of the more thought-out ideas are nurtured by the Oghma priests. They make suggestions on how to do some of the more simple things and offer vague ideas on some of the more...gnomey ideas.

With the parts from the factory and the thoughts and suggestions from the priests, the gnome sets out to find someone more familiar with the makings and workings of crossbows to help put the puzzle together. Maybe that Sure Shots place will be his next stop.

[Atmosphere]

After completing a ridiculous looking crossbow, Zaphram feels successful and tries it out. Aiming at a target while sitting in a workshop, he fires!

And by all that is gnomish, it was successful! Random useless gears shot straight at the target, destroying the wooden goblin with a fancy hat completely. Then springs shot all the bolts straight into the ceiling and screams from the second floor could be heard. Its always good to have co-workers cheering for you like that. After unloading all the bolts, the springs then popped Zaphram right in the nose, ouch, and the pulley system burst into gear grease flavored flames.

[BedlamX]

Zap simply stared at the flames while rubbing his sore nose. In his head, a multitude of equations and design elements run over and over to see if he can find any trace of where his design went wrong. He grimaced as the screams from above kept going.

"Oh...quits yer cryin and caterwallin, already! I can't hears meself think with all that commotion."

As the screams turn into curses, Zap goes back to pondering his mistakes. "Freakin crybabies just don't understand the true nuances of scientifilogical stuff."

A quick cantrip blows out the fire as an afterthought. His stinging nose and singed eyebrows were not really on his mind at the moment. The pile of useless parts strewn about the workshop had his undivided attention.

He finally sighed defeatedly. "Guessin it's back to the drawin board...again. How am I gonna get the fundin for the gnomish power armor ifn I can't even get a simple repeatin crossbow ta work?"

After a while of pouting and rubbing his nose, he straightened up and shook himself out of the funk. "Ifn them smartypants in Lantan can do this, I sure as hells can, too."

He then starts gathering up some of the more salvageable pieces. After burning his hands on a couple hot gears, he thinks to put his gloves back on. He then finishes and heads out with his bag of junk to see if the Oghma priests can offer any more advice.

[BedlamX]

The silly gnome with the huge goggles is heard talking frantically with the bowyer from Sure Shots. Raised voices can be heard babbling about the differences and nuances between crossbows and longbows until late into the night. There is much talk about recurves, compounds, pullys, and cables as well as various types of ammunition. Much is also discussed about types of wood, especially Zalantar and Ironwood. One for strength and the other for holding magical properties. After many hours of discussion and designing, the gnome leaves to find the Oghma priests again.

Upon his arrival, half the priests suddenly remember something pressing they have to do elsewhere while the majority of those remaining busy themselves with anything to look more busy than they actually are. Seems almost no one wanted to talk with the gnome about his ingenius ideas any more.

None save one. One of the older priests approaches the gnome with a warm smile and a kind word. The two sit down in one of the back rooms with the gnome's notebooks and bag of parts and work throughout the night and well into the next day on refining the cutting-edge designs. Together, they determine that it is possible to get the contraption to work as designed, but the old priest has his doubts about the level of accuracy one could expect from such a rapid rate of fire. He also worries about the added weight. To house all the gears, pullys, and the magazine, the crossbow would have to be a heavy version to begin with. The various additions would add at least another two to three pounds on top of that.

Then there would be the magical aspects to consider. Wires and gems would likely be needed to help contain and focus the magics that speed up the fire rate and add to the muzzle velocity. Spells of Haste would be needed to allow the weapon's mechanisms to function faster and Gust of Wind to add some "umph" to the bolt as it leaves the weapon. Perhaps even add a Grease spell to keep the whole thing lubricated. The old priest also acknowledged that it could be possible to bind an essence of the earth to the weapon to allow it to make it's own bolts. Again, at an additional weight. The two estimated it would weigh approximately four pounds more than a standard heavy crossbow.

The two talked and theorized till night had fallen again. The hours of theory and discussion seemed to bring more energy to the old man instead of tiring him as it would most. It was hard to tell who was more excited about the idea of the gnomish crossbow. The gnome tinkerer or the old priest of Oghma. Both had their eyes all aglow and their minds reeling at the various equations and calculations to make the possible into the probable.

As the other priests were closing up for the night, the gnome walked out of the back room. His smile wider than any had ever seen. When he turned to thank the old priest, the room behind him was empty. The gnome's smile widened even more at the thought of the old priest not only being smart, but also being sneaky. Then he realized he had not gotten th eold priest's name.

The gnome asked one of the apprentice priests about the old man. The novice just stood with a blank look on his face and shook his head. It seems there is no priest that fits the description of the one he had just spent the last few hours with.

So...who was the priest? Or was there ever really another in the room with him? Has he finally lost his little gnomish mind?

Zaphram walks slowly back to his burned up workshop in the Exigo factory. His mind now racing with the possibilities of not only his beloved work, but also of the old priest that he had thought he had just spent the last several hours dicussing designs with.

He looked at the various notes again and shrugged.

"Ifn I's losin it...least I gots some really good idears from bein all crazy."