Tome de Illume - Aerlyn's Prayer Book & Journal

[VanillaRose]

[Please, no comments on this thread. PMs are welcomed, though! ]

This tome is bound in soft, yellow leather. Embossed upon it there is an image of a sunrise - the symbol of Lathander.



A section of this book has a yellow riband tied loosely around its pages to keep them separate from the rest.

*

A new dawn has crested in the lives of myself and my beloved Brutix. I would have scolded him, of course, for acting so foolishly when he drew that card from Raoul's accursed deck. My husband wished us away from the turmoils and troubles that plagued us in the colony, and I... I cannot fault him.

Wishes do not come without a price, though, and the price for our newfound life was the wealth and power we had obtained through our hard work in the Falls. We are commoners now; we are weak and penniless. We are strangers in this strange land, but already I see the promise of a glorious tomorrow. We have started our work anew, and we have made excellent progress. Brutix's strength returns to him with each swing of his halberd. The prayers that were lost to me are returning, and not for a moment has my faith in the Bringer of the Dawn left me. We shall find our place within this new land, and we will work towards perfecting ourselves with each new Sunrise.

Part of me still longs for the Sun that has already set - our old lives. I wonder if the others miss us? Brutix tells me that our departure will not occur for another thirty years, and then we both get confused about the complexities of what happened to bring us to these new lands.

Would the natives believe us, I wonder, if they knew the truth of our arrival? I shall not risk our status by speaking of it to anyone except Brutix. It is enough that we are here and that we are together regardless of the methods by which we arrived. My husband and I will work to reobtain that which we lost, and together we will ensure that our future - or is it our past? - will be rosy and bright.

[VanillaRose]

Brutix and I have been exploring the main city - Sundren City - and we are both very tired! We were awed and amazed at the vast expanse of the place and all the luxuries contained within it. We both felt awkward and out of place within the walls; we were truly commoners as we walked hand-in-hand around the area. One nobleman told me that I should "dress the part" if I dared to associate with my betters - I wanted to laugh at the man. Brutix wanted to strike him.

I said aloud that if that man had only known us... known the true us... he would not treat us as peasants. But then I remembered that the Sun has set upon our old lives and we cannot return to them. I do not want to return to that colony. Nor do I want to return to Neverwinter... or even Sembia. There would be no life for me and my beloved in either of those places.

We are making our way, but the process is slow-going. The people in these lands are not quite as talkative as those in the colony; perhaps the common bond as refugees that the colonists shared served as a unifying factor. This place has no such tie that binds us all together. Still, we do try. I have tried to maintain my cheerful attitude and greet all those whom I come across, but at times the task is daunting. There are so many people, and I know that I cannot greet every single one. There are some whom I have greeted that seem aloof, but the gatherings of the elite are beheld everywhere. I will not condemn them for their arrogance; I will simply maintain my smile and strive towards the friendship I know we can all share.

Friends... I am eager to make new friends in this land, because I miss my companions back in the colony. I wonder how Ashleigh and Rian fare, and I regret that I shall not be there when their twins are born. I miss Valens, too... but I swore never to dwell upon his memory again. I simply hope that to wherever his path has taken him that he is well. I hope that through space and time he will find someone to love him like he needs to be loved.

Brutix sleeps now, but when he wakes I need to inform him of the turmoil that has struck Port Avanthyr. The call to aid and protect is still inside us both; we cannot simply forget our duties simply because we are in a new land. We are still the Hand of Judgment despite the fact that neither of us wear the blue-and-gold anymore.

We have work to do.

[VanillaRose]

So much has happened since last I wrote. Brutix and I have argued more in our short time here than ever we did back home in the colony. We are both rattled and stressed at our lost of power, status, and purpose.

We started out well enough, but we experienced our first setback at the hands of a Thayan. I know not his name, nor do I care to know it, but as I arrived to meet Brutix, I became a part of a situation that quickly turned deadly in its intent. I do not know the words that were exchanged, but I had barely said "hello" when the wizard was insulting Brutix and demanding that he leave. I, of course, stepped beside my husband. I had no idea what was happening, but when it comes between the words of a Thayan and those of my husband - I will always take Brutix's side.

The spidery language of the Weave greeted my ears soon afterwards, and then everything went dark. In retrospect, I should have walked away when Brutix had his fill of the arrogant man's inane babble, but I was too prideful. I thought myself still capable of the same feats as I could perform in my old life. I threatened to call down the divine wrath of Lathander - and I was reminded of my own mortality as a result. I do not know how long I was out. I do not know if the lifeblood stopped flowing in my body. I simply know that when I woke, Brutix and I were both beaten and bruised. We had been beaten; we had been bested.

My faith was rattled, and then Brutix and I quarrelled over what to do. I said that evil should be destroyed so that it cannot harm anyone else ever again; Brutix wished to strip the Thayan of his powers and imprison him into a dark hole for the rest of his life. I cannot fault my lover for his thought process, but I do think such an idea unwise. As he said to me as we sat at the Mariner's bar... power lost can be regained. He and I are walking proof. "Death is the easy way out" is what Brutix said to me, and again I cannot fault his logic. Death for that horrible Thayan is the easy way out for him, but it is also the safest and most assured method of preventing his evil from harming others.

Brutix and I realized that we could not let what happened affect us so deeply. We knew we had to use it to strengthen our resolve, and we began to formulate our ideas in earnest. We met others whom we felt could aid us in our overall cause, and after speaking with the people we now have three others who wish to join with us. Still, the rampant darkness in this place intimidates me. I know that we can prevail, but I also know that the process will be slow-going and fraught with setbacks. It is always darkest right before the Dawn.

Our next setback happened when my zeal to aid ended with deception and trickery. A wealthy-looking man approached me and Nynaeve, whom reminds me so much of Ashleigh, and said that he had been robbed. I should have asked him why he did not report the theft to the guards, but I am still in the mindset that I am a guard. I agreed to help, of course, and I brought Nynaeve and the gnomish bard (whom we later came to know as Ribbo) with me as I set out to right the wrong.

In the end, we destroyed the cloven woman whom we thought responsible for the theft, and indeed perhaps she did steal the items we had been sent to recover. But we had no sooner dispatched her and her fiendish minions when the wealthy man returned to claim his items. Brutix saw through the ruse immediately, but I... I held faith that we were not about to be tricked. My faith was rewarded with the true form of the "man" - a giant, horned devil creature with wings. We had been tricked, all of us, and I was the "fearless leader" - as that obnoxious mage called me - who allowed it to occur. I should have known better. I should have been wiser. I should have seen through the charade, but I was so eager for a chance to prove my merit that I ended up looking like a fool. I forgot a key tenet of Lathander's teachings: "...guard ever against pride..." I will not be so unaware again.

*

I do not know how else to explain what has happened between Brutix and I except to say that we are afraid. Brutix lost a lot of his strength and abilities; I lost a lot of my prayers. Both can be regained, but for a man who has always survived on sheer strength of will... our arrival in these lands has affected him more than I thought. I should have seen his struggle... I, whom know him so well. I did not, though, until a simple joke of his towards an elf of no importance caused us to speak to each other as if we were mortal foes. Ah, but such is the way of love! It is tender in its fury and relentless in its insistence. Who else but two who love each other so deeply could in turn hurt each other so deeply? We know exactly what to say to break the other. We argued until we were both in tears, and then a thing most unexpected happened: a drowess walked down the same path where we were arguing. She realized what was occurring - surely, she must have known - and said simply that she would continue on her way so that she could spend the night alone.

Alone.

That word, which is so simple a word, knocked Brutix and I both to our knees as if it had been a powerful arcane spell. We clung to each other then as all of our emotions finally found the release that they have sought. We talked honestly and openly, and we reassured each other that the most important things in our lives are our love, our marriage, and each other.

The dark clouds of evil may gather in the sky, but the Sun is waiting upon the horizon. We are patient, and we will bide our time. We will grow, and we will prosper, and when it is thought that we have simply abandoned our righteousness... we will unleash the scorching might of the divine light and scatter the darkness into nothingness.

The Dawn is coming.

[VanillaRose]

[The writing for this entry is scrawled and erratic, and there are many, many splotches - presumably from teardrops - that mar the surface of the pages.]

He is gone. He has left, and he will not be returning. Ah, beloved... what ever did I do to you for you to abandon me so easily? We quarrelled, yes, but I had my reasons. You had your reasons too. And when you walked away from me, I knew it would be the last time I ever saw you. I felt it as surely as I felt your arms around me the night before and heard your sweet voice in my ear as you whispered words of love and reassurance.

How fleeting and fickle your love turned out to be, Brutix. You questioned my loyalty to you when I gave up everything to be by your side. You questioned my faith when I was human and did not smile every waking moment. You questioned my reasons when I spoke words of wisdom to you. You questioned my love when I swore to you that you were my everything.

I have cried so much. I cry still. I will always cry, because you were the light of my life. You promised me that you would never leave me, but then you abandoned me without a care. "Forever," you told me. "Always," you said. We were mates. MATES!

I trusted you. I gave you everything of myself that I had to give, and when the dark clouds loomed on the horizon you walked away from me. You never believed in me; you never believed in us. I was a young girl whose innocence you took, and now I am a bitter woman who will never trust again. You dredged from my soul the very essence of me, and now there is nothing left but an empty shell.

Why, my love? Why did you push me away? I know that our travels to these lands stressed you, but I never imagined that I would lose you. We were supposed to get away from the turmoils back home. We were supposed to find peace and happiness here. Is that not for what you wished when you held our fates in your hand?

I have sought solace with my friends. Nynaeve... I would be broken if not for her support. Alaric, too... he talked to me as if he were one of my own faith. His words sounded so hollow, though. I wonder if that is how I sound when I try to provide comfort to those in need. Ah, but you always thought I worried too much about how other people thought of me, didn't you Brutix? You were too busy finding fault in me to notice your own shortcomings.

I made a vow to you... when you returned to me after I thought you lost... that I would always wait for you to return. I will wear the ring you gave to me. I will wait for you to return to me. I know, though, that you will not. We changed too much. There was too much distance between us. We were supposed to be there for each other, but you were not ready. You were too used to your dark hole. You were too used to your solidarity. I captured your fancy and you spoke to me under the guise of love, and I... I was the fool who believed you. How wise am I?

And Valens... by the gods, he loved me. I could see it in his eyes each time he looked at me. He would have been loyal and true. He would have weathered the storm with me. We would have had beautiful children who were blessed by both Lathander and Tyr. We could have brought peace and prosperity to the colony, but I broke his heart and threw away my hopes and dreams the moment you returned. You cried for me to come back to you. It hurt you too much to see me with him. So what did I do, ?maelamin? I returned to you. Always you... forever you.

You have ruined me, Brutix. You have ruined me for whomever would have loved me in your stead, because my heart is now shattered into pieces. I will pledge my love to my work instead. I will work tirelessly to bring to others the cheer I will never again possess. I will smile on the outside while my soul withers and dies. I will laugh when I want to cry, and I will cry when there is no one near to hear me. I will be alone, but I will wait for you. I am your wife.

Always and forever.

[VanillaRose]

The blessings of Lathander come in the most unexpected of ways. My beloved left me, it is true... but although the Sun did indeed set upon us that day, it returned in all its magnificent glory after we both had time to reflect upon our lives.

I waited for him, and he returned to me. He was different when he sought me out, and when I looked upon his face it seemed that all the angst and agony with which he had been living troubled him no more. He seemed calmer; he seemed wiser. His voice was calm and gentle, and he was humble - pious - in his apology to me. He explained, then, as we stood near the gate of Aquor, that he had been so plagued by fears and doubts that he did not know what else to do. He was lost, and as he wandered away from the lands of Sundren he was overwrought with grief and despair.

The hour grows darkest before the Dawn bursts its warmth over the horizon, and it was in my beloved's time of need that he received his salvation. Our beloved Morninglord reached out to Brutix and charged him with continuing the tasks to which he was already accustomed - aiding and protecting those whom would receive the light and love of Lathander.

I cannot put into words the joy I felt at this revelation. My husband - the light of my life - is now a holy warrior of Lathander. He has been enlightened, and the ways of faith have been made known to him. I took him to the bridge in Sestra - the one that overlooks the water - and we greeted the Dawn hand-in-hand. It was... indescribable. There was so much love, devotion, and faith that we shared in that moment.

The chapter in our old lives has ended, and now we begin our lives anew. It is fitting, of course, because we are now both servants of the Morninglord.

We are the Relayns of Lathander.

[VanillaRose]

Death.

It has taken me some time to even find the energy to wake. He is gone, and this time he will not be returning to me. Lathander has taken him from me.

My husband died while trying to stop an undead attack, or so I was told. I was not there in his final moments. Everything is a blur to me. I barely remember my own name these days.

I cannot stay here. This place holds too much grief for me. We should have had children. We should have been happy. We came here to find peace and solace, and instead I was robbed of my lifemate. How could Lathander be so cruel to me?

I will leave these lands once I regain my strength. I have done nothing but weep for... I do not know how long it has been now. Days? Weeks? I will find my way to Sembia. I will go home.

I am a widow at twenty-one. I am a shell of myself.

I no longer have a purpose.