Stop me if you heard this one...

[cmosier]

I looked for a thread for jokes, and couldn't find it. I had a guy tell me this one at work and I thought it was great.


A penguin had to take his car to the shop because he found it had been leaking oil. When he got to the mechanic, the penguin asked “About how long should this take?”

The mechanic replied, “About half an hour, give or take.”

The penguin nodded and asked the mechanic “Is there some place I can go near by to get a snack?”

“Sure” the mechanic replied, “There is a shop across the street. It has the best sandwiches and ice cream in the state.”

The penguin headed across the street and ordered a sandwich. After his meal, he asked for a vanilla cone. As he ate it, he made a terrible mess all over his face.

When he went back to see how his car was doing, the mechanic greeted him and said “Well, looks like you blew a seal.”

The penguin got really wide eyed and replied “No, no, no… It’s just ice cream, I swear.”

[Belwas]

*shakes head*

[Fezzik]

A piece of string is walking down the street on a hot day. He stops in front of a tavern and looks in. "Boy, I sure could use a drink."

He goes in, and once the bartender sees him the man yells at him, "Hey, we don't serve your kind in here, get out!" Dismayed the string goes outside, still wanting a drink, he bundles himself up into a ball and walks back in.

The bartender turns around and says," What do you... hey... aren't you that piece of string that was just in here?! I said we don't serve your kind here, get out!" The string goes out again with a sigh. Back in the hot sun, he thinks for a while, then perks up. The ruffles his ends, and moves into a pretty bow and walks back in.

He hops up on the bar stool and says, "Could I have a beer please, it's really warm outside."

"Yeah, it sure is, here you g... wait, aren't you that piece of string that keeps coming in here?!"

The string looks around and replies cheerfully, "Nope, I'm a Frayed Knot."

[Doubtful]

The Doubtful guide to self amusement:

1. Go here: http://www.sickipedia.org/
2. Laugh.
3. Feel slightly guilty at joke topics.
4. Laugh more.

**Disclaimer: I am not responsible for topics of jokes, or any offence caused during joke reading process. Jokes may contain adult topics, offensive topics and nuts.

[cmosier]

A brief insight: I'm a field worker for a city sewer department. Field workers are at constant odds with city engineers, here a conversation to explain why.

Supervisor: Well, this is the drainage pond for the storm water for this section of the city. Any questions?

Me: Not really. *kicks some chicken wire around the base of a near by gate* We have problems with rabbits or something?

Supervisor: *Grins ear to ear* Well, no. Several residents complained about geese getting onto the bike path and into the road. The engineers had us put the chicken wire down there to keep the geese in…

Me: *a period of silence* But geese can fly.

Supervisor: Yea. The City’s tax dollars at work.

* This was a real conversation and the reasons my supervisor stated are true.