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Off-topic arson

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  • #1

    Off-topic arson

    I've been seeing the 'Arson' topic popping to the top of the forums a lot lately and it reminded me of something I learned in decades of pen and paper role-playing games.

    There is no problem a player character can't solve through arson.

    For example:

    Need to interrogate a prisoner? Set fire to him, he will talk
    Local authorities oppressing you? Burn down the town hall, that will show them!
    Attacking Orc horde? Lead them through the woods and set a wildfire, presto! problem solved!
    Need to find an ancient artifact? Artifacts can't be burned, set fire to everything you see and sift through the ashes, you will find it!

    Have any of the rest of you noticed this inescapable principle? Have you encountered other situations that can be resolved through Arson and wish to share your refinements with the rest of us?



    Shad
    Tags: None
  • #2
    Need to find out which is the lying twin? Burn them both, the one who lies will say it doesn't hurt!

    Sieging a castle? Sure, stone doesn't burn, but everything INSIDE it does!

    Fighting a diety? Burn their followers, and watch their power flow away!

    Fighting anything? BURN, BABY, BURN!

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    • #3
      But what about the pinnacle of D&D character roleplaying? the quintessential, fire breathing dragon fighting the noble knight or band of adventurers? You can't exactly set fire to a dragon, or his surroundings, since they're usually made of stone?
      Characters:
      Peridan Twilight, one-eyed dog of the Legion, deceased.
      Daniel Nobody, adventurer and part time problem solver.

      [DM] Poltergeist :       If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge an intermediate deity's unbridled fury.

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      • #4
        Hmmm, off the top of my head, all I can think of is epic spell cheese.

        In short, spend about 3 months chain summoning Solars until you can mitigate a Spellcraft DC to be low enough to summon the sun to a specified point.

        [EDIT]: I just realized how verbally ironic that is. Damn.

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        • #5
          You simply aren't using arsons innate versatility. You could for example:

          Burn everything within 200 miles and starve him to death.
          Burn anyone who won't join your crusade to kill him.
          Set fire to a 2000 year old forest of precious redwoods to blind him in combat and get a +1 to hit.

          You see? Arson *IS* the answer.

          Shad

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          • #6
            My fondest memories of fire in a D&D campaign come from my dwarven barbarian who also carried as much alcohol with him as he could (in this case a large cask) and to avoid fighting a room full of skeletons and vampires he poured the cask of alcohol under the door and set fire to it from the outside. There's lots of ways to use fire.


            Edit: Lol at Mkarts post about solars*
            Akodo
            Rhime - or is he?

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            • #7
              Oh the natural corollary of the arson principle in high tech gameworlds?

              If Arson is good, Nukes are better!


              Shad

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              • #8
                Originally posted by Jaeram View Post
                My fondest memories of fire in a D&D campaign come from my dwarven barbarian who also carried as much alcohol with him as he could (in this case a large cask) and to avoid fighting a room full of skeletons and vampires he poured the cask of alcohol under the door and set fire to it from the outside. There's lots of ways to use fire.
                I was once running a pen and paper D&D game, My friend was playing a Dwarf called "Grog" who had about a 5 int and wis (we rolled stats) and was very fond of alcohol. He and a friend got into a tussle with a black pudding, and when you use cutting weapons they lose no hp, just divide into more puddings with more attacks, as things got really bad, he grabbed the pony keg of Rum off his back shattered it over his own head and struck sparks down his breastplate. WHOOF! Problem solved. No beard any more, no eyebrows, no hair at all. but problem solved

                Shad

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                • #9
                  My eyes have been opened. I'm off to solve a few issues with an ex-girlfriend.
                  Pyras: Red Wizard of Thay, High Arcanist of Illusion, Master of the Enclave's Knight Commander.

                  Currently taking apprentices, and conducting research.

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                  • #10
                    Set fire to a 2000 year old forest of precious redwoods
                    Thats gotta be one hot fire, cause redwoods won't burn in a normal fire. To much tannin in the bark.

                    *snorts*
                    Tell you what, though, when your 12 years old and your 6 year old sister won't leave you alone, burning her my little pony collection on the front porch does not achieve the result you want. I think I still have a hand imprint on my ass. In such a case fire was NOT the answer. And no, setting fire to the little sister wouldn't have been conducive to a happy life either.

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