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An Orcan Tale of The Shaman & The Fish
There are many disputes about the historical accuracy of the shaman and the fish story. To be honest, the tale is not really about a shaman and a fish, it is about an orc chieftain and a shaman, who can turn into a fish.
There seems to also be a profound moralistic meaning and deeply rooted cultural warning blatantly on the surface of this story, yet most of orc blood who tell the tale seem to miss this point utterly.
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The Shaman & The Fish
Once upon a time there was a great orc warchief, his tribe were strong and well equipped and all the tribes feared him.
One day the chief went to a shaman and said.
“Shamanz! Chief is bored! HA! Chief is want smash stuff and make more power, all tribes is should kneel to da chief!”
The shaman nodded in approval, “Yuss Chief, youz is da biggest and strong one, youz is should be chief of all tribes.”
So the shaman advised the chief and taught him of wise ways to conquer his opponents, he advised him of tactics and methods by which he could one by one overpower and gain control of many tribes, spreading influence and gaining lordship over all orcs in his lands.
The chief became mighty indeed and soon became ruler of all in his lands. There was none who questioned him and none who opposed him. His word was god to the orcs and he was obeyed ultimately.
One day the chief was making merry, fighting, eating food and breeding with females in his great cave when he became bored. The chief turned to the shaman and said.
“Shamanz! Youz is think youz so smart. Does youz think youz is smarter den da chief!”
The shaman of course smirked and gave the chief a nod.
“Chief, I is youz shamanz, youz is da greatest chief and so I is da greatest shamanz.”
The chief furrowed his brow.
Youz is think youz smarter den da chief! I not need youz I is da greatest chief and youz is just weak little shamanz!”
The shaman stood up and looked hard into the eyes of the chief in a way that no other orc dared.
The cave fell silent.
The chief stood and drew his axe and stepped towards the shaman.
“Kill himz!”
The Chief bellowed.
All around the cave orcs stood waiting for another to make the first move.
“Kill shamanz nowz!”
Suddenly the cave burst into action, axes flew, boulders hurled, armour clanked and all manner of greenskin piled into the centre of the cave on top of the shaman. Fists and legs kicked and punched and there was a mighty riot.
From beneath it all, a small rat crawled and scuttled away and when it reached the entrance of the cave it entered some long grass. From the long grass a crow burst and flew away high into the sky.
Many years passed and the orc chieftain soon forgot about his shaman, as orc chieftains are prone to forgetting people they have not seen for a year or so.
One day he decided it was time to wash, he had never washed before and with age he looked for new experiences.
The chieftain and his entourage made their way to a great waterfall and there his guards stood all surrounding the great pool.
The chief tore off his armour and belly flopped into the waters. He rose up and laughed.
“Huh, huh, huh huh, huh…. Is wet!” The chief said.
The guards nodded in approval that the water was, in fact, wet.
The chief proceeded to stand under the falling water, testing his strength against the might of the cold downpour.
He then dunked underwater and began to watch all the small fishes and bubbles from below when suddenly…
“RRRROOOOOAAAARRRGGGHH!!!!”
The chieftain burst from the waters holding his head and screaming all sorts of profanities from BOSHNAGZ! to GUULRA!
The orcs stared as their mighty chief fell hard onto the bank and rose to his knees clutching his face and screaming.
“Der a fishy in mine ear! Der a fishy in my ear! Get it out get it out get it out!!!”
Veins and bruises started to spread across his skull.
The Chief pounded at his head trying to get the fish to fall out but nothing would work.
Suddenly he began to groan and his eyes became bloodshot and eventually black.
Without warning, the chief’s head exploded, bone and not much brain, splattered all over the guards and as the body fell a small fish dropped through the air with great magical energies sparkling all around it. The second the fish hit the water, up rose the shaman.
All the guards stared in awe.
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At this point most orcs or half bloods state that the moral of this story is never to take a bath because a fish might get into your ear.
In fact, an attempt to bath an orc usually results in them telling you this story.
Azulfae