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A new letter reaches Peridan's encampment, written by Maia's familiar hand.
"Peridan, the Seldarine have watched over me. I am well. I hope such remains the same for you. From what I hear of your troops, you're as dour and cranky as ever - I took that as a good sign and generously spared those soldiers from panic attack they might've had from my admitting I was your mate.
My generosity was unfortunately a short-lived blessing, as that squad was ambushed by Bloodmaim orcs. Only two of the four survived until we could rescue them. We avenged them, though. A group - Dain and I included - held ground until a group of Red Blade reinforcements came over.
Two Red Blades died in the onslaught. I, for my part, had a rather easy time skirting around and ventilating them with arrows. Eventually, the orc leader showed up, barked some demeaning insults, and then challenged the guards there to duel against a champion of their choosing for right of passage to attack more directly at the garrison of the Gate itself.
Guess who the Red Blades chose? Dain.
Dain won. Handily so. I was surprised by how quick the battle went, but also really jealous. I'm very good at killing orcs and Dain already had some renown of his own. I felt upset that circumstances had him hog that to himself again. You know, ad nauseum.
I can get pretty vain and spiteful about having a wounded ego, though I must admit I wouldn't have done better than Dain. Also, it might've been a good thing Dain went because I wasn't actually wearing any armor. Plus, I doubt the Red Blades would've admired the way I'd have killed the orc leader anyhow.
I spite of that, Dain and I had a talk later. You remember how things sort of soured up between us since some of the mischief I was up to last year when I was feeling more, ah, abusive?
I've been stepping gingerly around certain people for awhile now. You know, shunning them out of the expectation that if I didn't, I'd be the one being shunned. Turns out that in conclusion, as I had more time to process what I became, what I was before, and what I aspired to be like... I really wasn't proud of how things had ended up. It felt like a blemish.
Sometimes, I felt like I was less than the person I was before Kaizen did his thing to me. At other times, I tried to act 'normal' only to find it was difficult to keep up since I was only pretending to be someone else... rather than just growing myself.
Well, in any case, Dain and I talked it out... and we kind of worked our issues out. I once gave him a faerie gift to express my goodwill and to better incline other faeries to him; and he decided that he was ready to return the gesture, gifting me with his scabbard in return. He told me it was a symbol of fellowship - that he would trust me to have his back.
I was really moved. It felt like a burden I've been dragging was gone. That I could finally move on from that... I'll call it shame. Not a clean slate, but a show of understanding of what I was, and an encouragement to rise above it. That made me very happy to have this come from Dain - if a supposed paragon of virtue looks like he dislikes you, it's pretty disheartening.
I still think he's very grimdark, though. That still needs to be worked on. Right now, I'm expecting one joke a tenday from him. Hopefully, that'll improve in time too.
But, I think Dain has the support to manage to have his life lighten up. He has his lady, Priya. I watched over a few of their conversations and I must admit I've been very impressed by her. She has this nearly-fey magnetism to her that makes her feel like the center of where she is; and the way she speaks and how she manages to speak tactfully, wisely and so inspiringly to Dain has me... a little in awe of her.
Belief can be power, and I feel that the support Dain receives from her compassion and loving support is more valuable than any enchanted arms or armor. No offense. Love works its own magic, I guess.
On to other, perhaps more personal matters: I don't know if you've heard, but there's a group of elves (my guess is that they are from Evermeet) that's come to the valley, investigating the lost of a swan ship headed to the Retreat that was attacked by privateers and taken over, along with its crew and its cargo of elven relics.
The group seems on official business to retrieve it. I met with two members of House Ae-lo-ro-thi (or something like that) whom discussed those matters with me when I ran into them in Sestra. Amongst their other associate is Teor, a Solonoran Ranger whom got into contact with the Glade; and a Lady Bard from House Ahmaquissar whom has room at Miraku's Drunken Dragon and is in the business of hiring assistance to help them.
They've managed to track the Privateers once and save most of the crew, but the rest of the opposition was spirited away along with the elven treasures and the Swan Ship's captain. One concern is that the elf captain is held for his knowledge of how to circumvent Evermeet's defenses.
...yeah, I knew that'd get your attention.
I did namedrop you in my conversation with the two other sun elves I met in Sestra. I hope that wasn't a faux pas, but I felt you could perhaps be interested to contribute if the orc situation would allow. I made sure to surname you as 'Twilight' and to avoid mention that you are a duskblade. Any details are yours to decide if you wish to share them with them.
I do encourage you not to hide. I believe that you have enough accomplishments as a warrior, a leader, a smith and a scholar to be proud of what you are and what you've achieved. If they scorn you, know that I will be proud of you for standing as who you are. More the fools them for being unable to recognize it.
I must admit, one thing that startled me when I met them was how formal and courtly they acted. I think my parents - for woodsmen guardian of our home in the forest - raised me fairly well... but the amount of pleasantries I've had to exchange with these Ar'Tel'Quessir went far beyond was I would've usually done out of politeness. Greetings and farewells are these big exchanges of words in leavetaking and blessing in the name of one of the Seldarine or another and during conversations 'Quessirs' and 'Etriels' get thrown around left and right and I almost got the urge to duck.
Seeing you were the only sun elf I really got to known, I wasn't really expecting this. I expected more... haughtiness? Aloofness? More 'I am Holier-than-thou'-ness. More arrogance. I'm not sure how to describe what I saw - almost-overbearing formality and courtlyness doesn't do it enough kindness. Nobility? Grace?
I wonder if the problem is not me being a woodsgirl... or if we have simply spent too much time with humans and no longer quite grasp what it is to live in the elven homeland.
Peridan.
Before I end this letter, I want to address some of what you said in that lovingly-written letter you had for me in return.
I can't emphasize for the pain of your hardships holding the line against the orcs. You speak almost of despair at this trial, and I feel disconnected from it. Not because I don't care. I feel sorry for what you must suffer through. I wish there was a way to make it easier for you.
What I mean is... on some degree, I love to hate orcs. I'm generally happy for a chance to fight them. I'm even happy when they show up! I hate what they do, feel sorry for those whom suffer because of them... but I don't fight them for vengeance or retribution. I'm not even really upset at them when I end up suffering for it, and more irked at myself for screwing up when I ought to be so much better than they are.
I was angry at the Malarites that threatened my home in the Moonwood. I hate Kaizen. But... I don't feel the same way about the Bloodmaim.
I fight them because I like killing them. It's not bloodthirstyness or anything. They're more like an opportunity for me to show others the strength and skills I've cultivated in myself as a Solonoran Ranger. Every bowshot I succeed in making is a prayer delivered to Solonor, and all the awe my archery receives is honor made to the Great Archer and my dedication to him.
The orcs end up being tools for me, playthings to enjoy myself with, and discard when I'm done with them. Maybe that's actually unseelie of me.
I'm not sure how much of this is shallow vanity and a desire to boost my own ego. I am fairly certain I mean well and that I do genuinely feel pleased and sometimes even proud of having helped... but I don't know how much of it is motivated by the praise I hope to get from doing it. I'm not sure how much of it is some by someone whom bravely defends others out of compassion and how much it is done by someone whom wants to show off and cater the favor of others.
What I do know is that I hope you are alright and that you remain so. I value our time together, I value every word you write back to me, and I don't want it to end. I wonder how much of what I outlined above I would really need if I could just spend more time with you.
Dain feels that having a child with Priya would be a mixed blessing, one that would bring him happiness but also fear due to the tumultuous times he lives in. I wonder how it would feel to hold my own child, with you by my side. I wonder what that would make me, with you.
I felt whole, before you confessed you had grown to love me. Now, as time goes, the more I think I was simply blind to how incomplete I was and how you helped me fill something in me I did not know I needed. This need, and its promise fulfilled, feels like it can make me complete.
You are that part of me right now, Peridan, and I do not want to miss you. I do not want to lose you. Love can make the things you hold dear so fragile - it even inspires Paladins to fear.
Maybe it can teach me to hate orcs as well. Because of them, we are apart.
~ Maia"
My generosity was unfortunately a short-lived blessing, as that squad was ambushed by Bloodmaim orcs. Only two of the four survived until we could rescue them. We avenged them, though. A group - Dain and I included - held ground until a group of Red Blade reinforcements came over.
Two Red Blades died in the onslaught. I, for my part, had a rather easy time skirting around and ventilating them with arrows. Eventually, the orc leader showed up, barked some demeaning insults, and then challenged the guards there to duel against a champion of their choosing for right of passage to attack more directly at the garrison of the Gate itself.
Guess who the Red Blades chose? Dain.
Dain won. Handily so. I was surprised by how quick the battle went, but also really jealous. I'm very good at killing orcs and Dain already had some renown of his own. I felt upset that circumstances had him hog that to himself again. You know, ad nauseum.
I can get pretty vain and spiteful about having a wounded ego, though I must admit I wouldn't have done better than Dain. Also, it might've been a good thing Dain went because I wasn't actually wearing any armor. Plus, I doubt the Red Blades would've admired the way I'd have killed the orc leader anyhow.
I spite of that, Dain and I had a talk later. You remember how things sort of soured up between us since some of the mischief I was up to last year when I was feeling more, ah, abusive?
I've been stepping gingerly around certain people for awhile now. You know, shunning them out of the expectation that if I didn't, I'd be the one being shunned. Turns out that in conclusion, as I had more time to process what I became, what I was before, and what I aspired to be like... I really wasn't proud of how things had ended up. It felt like a blemish.
Sometimes, I felt like I was less than the person I was before Kaizen did his thing to me. At other times, I tried to act 'normal' only to find it was difficult to keep up since I was only pretending to be someone else... rather than just growing myself.
Well, in any case, Dain and I talked it out... and we kind of worked our issues out. I once gave him a faerie gift to express my goodwill and to better incline other faeries to him; and he decided that he was ready to return the gesture, gifting me with his scabbard in return. He told me it was a symbol of fellowship - that he would trust me to have his back.
I was really moved. It felt like a burden I've been dragging was gone. That I could finally move on from that... I'll call it shame. Not a clean slate, but a show of understanding of what I was, and an encouragement to rise above it. That made me very happy to have this come from Dain - if a supposed paragon of virtue looks like he dislikes you, it's pretty disheartening.
I still think he's very grimdark, though. That still needs to be worked on. Right now, I'm expecting one joke a tenday from him. Hopefully, that'll improve in time too.
But, I think Dain has the support to manage to have his life lighten up. He has his lady, Priya. I watched over a few of their conversations and I must admit I've been very impressed by her. She has this nearly-fey magnetism to her that makes her feel like the center of where she is; and the way she speaks and how she manages to speak tactfully, wisely and so inspiringly to Dain has me... a little in awe of her.
Belief can be power, and I feel that the support Dain receives from her compassion and loving support is more valuable than any enchanted arms or armor. No offense. Love works its own magic, I guess.
On to other, perhaps more personal matters: I don't know if you've heard, but there's a group of elves (my guess is that they are from Evermeet) that's come to the valley, investigating the lost of a swan ship headed to the Retreat that was attacked by privateers and taken over, along with its crew and its cargo of elven relics.
The group seems on official business to retrieve it. I met with two members of House Ae-lo-ro-thi (or something like that) whom discussed those matters with me when I ran into them in Sestra. Amongst their other associate is Teor, a Solonoran Ranger whom got into contact with the Glade; and a Lady Bard from House Ahmaquissar whom has room at Miraku's Drunken Dragon and is in the business of hiring assistance to help them.
They've managed to track the Privateers once and save most of the crew, but the rest of the opposition was spirited away along with the elven treasures and the Swan Ship's captain. One concern is that the elf captain is held for his knowledge of how to circumvent Evermeet's defenses.
...yeah, I knew that'd get your attention.
I did namedrop you in my conversation with the two other sun elves I met in Sestra. I hope that wasn't a faux pas, but I felt you could perhaps be interested to contribute if the orc situation would allow. I made sure to surname you as 'Twilight' and to avoid mention that you are a duskblade. Any details are yours to decide if you wish to share them with them.
I do encourage you not to hide. I believe that you have enough accomplishments as a warrior, a leader, a smith and a scholar to be proud of what you are and what you've achieved. If they scorn you, know that I will be proud of you for standing as who you are. More the fools them for being unable to recognize it.
I must admit, one thing that startled me when I met them was how formal and courtly they acted. I think my parents - for woodsmen guardian of our home in the forest - raised me fairly well... but the amount of pleasantries I've had to exchange with these Ar'Tel'Quessir went far beyond was I would've usually done out of politeness. Greetings and farewells are these big exchanges of words in leavetaking and blessing in the name of one of the Seldarine or another and during conversations 'Quessirs' and 'Etriels' get thrown around left and right and I almost got the urge to duck.
Seeing you were the only sun elf I really got to known, I wasn't really expecting this. I expected more... haughtiness? Aloofness? More 'I am Holier-than-thou'-ness. More arrogance. I'm not sure how to describe what I saw - almost-overbearing formality and courtlyness doesn't do it enough kindness. Nobility? Grace?
I wonder if the problem is not me being a woodsgirl... or if we have simply spent too much time with humans and no longer quite grasp what it is to live in the elven homeland.
Peridan.
Before I end this letter, I want to address some of what you said in that lovingly-written letter you had for me in return.
I can't emphasize for the pain of your hardships holding the line against the orcs. You speak almost of despair at this trial, and I feel disconnected from it. Not because I don't care. I feel sorry for what you must suffer through. I wish there was a way to make it easier for you.
What I mean is... on some degree, I love to hate orcs. I'm generally happy for a chance to fight them. I'm even happy when they show up! I hate what they do, feel sorry for those whom suffer because of them... but I don't fight them for vengeance or retribution. I'm not even really upset at them when I end up suffering for it, and more irked at myself for screwing up when I ought to be so much better than they are.
I was angry at the Malarites that threatened my home in the Moonwood. I hate Kaizen. But... I don't feel the same way about the Bloodmaim.
I fight them because I like killing them. It's not bloodthirstyness or anything. They're more like an opportunity for me to show others the strength and skills I've cultivated in myself as a Solonoran Ranger. Every bowshot I succeed in making is a prayer delivered to Solonor, and all the awe my archery receives is honor made to the Great Archer and my dedication to him.
The orcs end up being tools for me, playthings to enjoy myself with, and discard when I'm done with them. Maybe that's actually unseelie of me.
I'm not sure how much of this is shallow vanity and a desire to boost my own ego. I am fairly certain I mean well and that I do genuinely feel pleased and sometimes even proud of having helped... but I don't know how much of it is motivated by the praise I hope to get from doing it. I'm not sure how much of it is some by someone whom bravely defends others out of compassion and how much it is done by someone whom wants to show off and cater the favor of others.
What I do know is that I hope you are alright and that you remain so. I value our time together, I value every word you write back to me, and I don't want it to end. I wonder how much of what I outlined above I would really need if I could just spend more time with you.
Dain feels that having a child with Priya would be a mixed blessing, one that would bring him happiness but also fear due to the tumultuous times he lives in. I wonder how it would feel to hold my own child, with you by my side. I wonder what that would make me, with you.
I felt whole, before you confessed you had grown to love me. Now, as time goes, the more I think I was simply blind to how incomplete I was and how you helped me fill something in me I did not know I needed. This need, and its promise fulfilled, feels like it can make me complete.
You are that part of me right now, Peridan, and I do not want to miss you. I do not want to lose you. Love can make the things you hold dear so fragile - it even inspires Paladins to fear.
Maybe it can teach me to hate orcs as well. Because of them, we are apart.
~ Maia"