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Tamryn didn't try to bush the dripping locks of hair from her face. In an odd sort of way, the trickling water from the drizzle was a welcome reminder that some things didn't change. Some things, at least, could be counted on...
Clop, clop, clop, and her boots stopped at the edge of the boat launch. Just a few wooden steps down into the river, cast into shadow by the bridge that spanned it. Not far to the Gate of the Sunderer, but it was not to Rodwick she was headed today...
She was where she wanted to be. Here, on the crude wooden steps, looking into the river.
Here, where she and Kaldaris had spent so much time together.
Here, where he had proposed to her. Where she had accepted.
She could still feel the touch of his hands on her back, as they had been so many times. Gentle. Reassuring.
The rush of conflicting emotion when he had removed his mask at the trading post ... her own mind had discarded all of it but a bare skeleton. A survival mechanism, to prevent overload from the horrors she witnessed on a daily basis. But she could still feel the essence of it... shock, hope, dismay.
Kaldaris lived. He'd survived, against all common sense, the horde of demons that had been encroaching into their shelter... had somehow managed to pull off another escape, though not without cost.
She recalled his eyes, glassy, unfocused. A shiver ran down her spine; the mail of her armor clinked together.
Not the first time he had been struck blind.
Kaldaris lived. All the scrying of the Thayans, and the Red Wizards, and even a bit from the Hand hadn't found him, and Tamryn still didn't entirely understand why. He had maintained his silence about what had passed, but... it had clearly been at least as filled with trials as her own past few months. Perhaps more so.
Kaldaris lived, but.. her hopes of an ideal reunification, and running through a meadow full of flowers, and a chorus swelling up in the background, and everything going back the way it had been... they had not.
"...it can't happen," she whispered to the air. "You saw it before I did. I see it now too. He needs me... he needs someone."
Kaldaris smiled at her, that old smile that still melted her heart, and told her that he didn't mind. That he had already heard. He understood. He had given her up, just like that... and he was right to do so.
Tamryn swallowed past the lump in her throat.
Was that not the essence of love? To uphold a loved one, even if it meant letting them go? To allow them to do their duty, and be where they would be most valuable, regardless of personal feeling?
"You said that I was your ideal knight, once... that through me, you could live your own dreams of valor, and virtue." Her words barely carried beyond her own ears, wisping away in the breeze that blew the rain. "But you were... still are... more virtuous, more loving, than... I could hope to be. All of your choices... yours alone. You never had to atone for anything, but you lived as though you did."
Her hand clenched around a small, cold object that pressed into her palm.
"You let go of me, because it was the best thing to do... and now, all that remains is for me... to follow your example."
One by one, her fingers uncurled. The dim light, obscured by clouds, caught on the metallic band in her palm. No ornate ring was it; a simple copper band, notable only for how well it had been cared for.
The same ring that Kaldaris had placed around her finger here, as a symbol, because he couldn't yet afford the other one...
She knelt down, drawing in a deep breath of musty wood and river scent. Her hand, by degrees, tilted... the band clung for a moment to her skin before falling to the wood, where it rattled a moment before settling.
That was the last she could clearly see; tears welled up in her eyes, and she lowered her head to rest against her upraised knee. They were not tears of bitter regret, as had come with the thought of Alyrian losing his soul, nor the tears of torment and anguish that Mestra had drawn out with her dagger. Instead, for the first time, Tamryn felt something inside her heal as she wept in silence. Closure, of a sort that even Tifton's words hadn't brought.
How long she knelt there, she couldn't tell. When she raised her head again, it had grown dark; the sunset painted the sky red and gold over the peaks that flanked the Gate.
Her knees, at least, thought it had been a long time. She grimaced against the pain of stiff muscles and joints as she pushed her armored body back to its feet.
"You loved me... not as Tamara Roth, but as Tamryn Jorandur... the person I had become. You saved my soul in more than one way, Kaldaris..."
She sighed.
"And now, perhaps, you're doing it again."
"...I love you."
In the gathering dusk, she turned on her heel and began the long walk back to Sundren City, and the Temple, accompanied by memories she could now draw up without the pain or uncertainty of loss.
A final glimmer of light behind her, on something small and metallic, went unseen.
Clop, clop, clop, and her boots stopped at the edge of the boat launch. Just a few wooden steps down into the river, cast into shadow by the bridge that spanned it. Not far to the Gate of the Sunderer, but it was not to Rodwick she was headed today...
She was where she wanted to be. Here, on the crude wooden steps, looking into the river.
Here, where she and Kaldaris had spent so much time together.
Here, where he had proposed to her. Where she had accepted.
She could still feel the touch of his hands on her back, as they had been so many times. Gentle. Reassuring.
The rush of conflicting emotion when he had removed his mask at the trading post ... her own mind had discarded all of it but a bare skeleton. A survival mechanism, to prevent overload from the horrors she witnessed on a daily basis. But she could still feel the essence of it... shock, hope, dismay.
Kaldaris lived. He'd survived, against all common sense, the horde of demons that had been encroaching into their shelter... had somehow managed to pull off another escape, though not without cost.
She recalled his eyes, glassy, unfocused. A shiver ran down her spine; the mail of her armor clinked together.
Not the first time he had been struck blind.
Kaldaris lived. All the scrying of the Thayans, and the Red Wizards, and even a bit from the Hand hadn't found him, and Tamryn still didn't entirely understand why. He had maintained his silence about what had passed, but... it had clearly been at least as filled with trials as her own past few months. Perhaps more so.
Kaldaris lived, but.. her hopes of an ideal reunification, and running through a meadow full of flowers, and a chorus swelling up in the background, and everything going back the way it had been... they had not.
"...it can't happen," she whispered to the air. "You saw it before I did. I see it now too. He needs me... he needs someone."
Kaldaris smiled at her, that old smile that still melted her heart, and told her that he didn't mind. That he had already heard. He understood. He had given her up, just like that... and he was right to do so.
Tamryn swallowed past the lump in her throat.
Was that not the essence of love? To uphold a loved one, even if it meant letting them go? To allow them to do their duty, and be where they would be most valuable, regardless of personal feeling?
"You said that I was your ideal knight, once... that through me, you could live your own dreams of valor, and virtue." Her words barely carried beyond her own ears, wisping away in the breeze that blew the rain. "But you were... still are... more virtuous, more loving, than... I could hope to be. All of your choices... yours alone. You never had to atone for anything, but you lived as though you did."
Her hand clenched around a small, cold object that pressed into her palm.
"You let go of me, because it was the best thing to do... and now, all that remains is for me... to follow your example."
One by one, her fingers uncurled. The dim light, obscured by clouds, caught on the metallic band in her palm. No ornate ring was it; a simple copper band, notable only for how well it had been cared for.
The same ring that Kaldaris had placed around her finger here, as a symbol, because he couldn't yet afford the other one...
She knelt down, drawing in a deep breath of musty wood and river scent. Her hand, by degrees, tilted... the band clung for a moment to her skin before falling to the wood, where it rattled a moment before settling.
That was the last she could clearly see; tears welled up in her eyes, and she lowered her head to rest against her upraised knee. They were not tears of bitter regret, as had come with the thought of Alyrian losing his soul, nor the tears of torment and anguish that Mestra had drawn out with her dagger. Instead, for the first time, Tamryn felt something inside her heal as she wept in silence. Closure, of a sort that even Tifton's words hadn't brought.
How long she knelt there, she couldn't tell. When she raised her head again, it had grown dark; the sunset painted the sky red and gold over the peaks that flanked the Gate.
Her knees, at least, thought it had been a long time. She grimaced against the pain of stiff muscles and joints as she pushed her armored body back to its feet.
"You loved me... not as Tamara Roth, but as Tamryn Jorandur... the person I had become. You saved my soul in more than one way, Kaldaris..."
She sighed.
"And now, perhaps, you're doing it again."
"...I love you."
In the gathering dusk, she turned on her heel and began the long walk back to Sundren City, and the Temple, accompanied by memories she could now draw up without the pain or uncertainty of loss.
A final glimmer of light behind her, on something small and metallic, went unseen.