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Disappointment:
Cold. Everyday it's cold. Loneliness. My existance lies on the soltitude.
Magic. My way of life. Corpses. My only company.
What happened to me? It's this sadness? or only disappointment? A brief state of mind between the revenge and the suicide? What happened to me? Was that winter night on Kuldahar? Was that room? That bed? That girl? That man? The man... yes... only the man... my man... my fiancee... Karas... Karas Lyonsen.
I gave him a brief time of my life, forty years, I rescued him from the ruins of his town overruned by orcs... he was a five years boy when I rescued him, I don't raise him like a mother, I didn't want that tag.
40 years later of his rescue, Karas confessed about his hidden feelings about me, that feeling was love.
Love... the love it's only the mixture of heart, flesh and desire, the need of the humans to engage with another person, of any race, for the fact of not feeling alone, disconcerts me, anyway, I was young and I wanted to explore in deep the human heart, I commited the most wrong action and let the heart pass over my head, and I finally falled in love with him. "I love you" said him, under an oak tree on the forests, I turned the look aside, and said: "Me too", my words didn't have any true, but Karas was a stupid boy and don't get the true meaning of my voice. I raised an illusion on his heart, I felt terrible. I wanted to fix that situation, but the lips of Karas landed on my lips, and... and... I didn't disappoint him, my head doesn't response, my heart did.. I embrace him... I was young... and unexperienced... and wanted to learn, and experience.
Was good, very good, and my heart printed on my head the idea of love, when I only want the carnal pleasure, and nothing more like that. Stupid of me!
Lyonsen telled me about his family, his uncle lives on Waterdeep like a noble, Sir Ward Lyonsen. Karas was very exited of having a girlfriend, and he was raised to be polite and have correct manners, and he wanted to travel there and show me to his uncle.
Polite and correct manners... the carnal desire isn't polite and have correct manners... the carnal desire it's lust in pure escence, and it's dirty, and vanal, barely demoniac, all that things about the bad things of having carnal relationships runned down for me, and that disappointed me a little, how the parents teach the childrens to supress their emotions in name of purity or virtue?.
Anyway, we reached Waterdeep, and visited Sir Ward Lyonsen, the old man saw the picture of his now grown up relative and his girlfriend, an exotic beauty he said. I wandered why he said that, but I feel pleased. But I didn't want to receive more compliments and expressions of a barely dead human, so, I asked for a room, I wanted to read about magic, I missed few days of it, attending Lyonsen needs.
In the dinner, Sir Ward Lyonsen asked about marriage. Marriage... no way, I didn't want to marry, the only idea of being tied to a place, attending one man, and doing stupid things of housewifes repulses me. But the expression of expectation on Karas made me take a step aside and take the marriage.
A nice history at this point, but, now, I felt miserable and stupid, so, let's continue.
In one of my travels around the mannor of Sir Ward, I knew her servant, a red haired human, pretty looking, but I didn't trust her, a beautiful girl being the servant of a pathetic old man. But, respecting Karas and Ward, I don't let my thinkings go out far away of my head.
A few days after the wedding, Sir Ward Lyonsen took me to the tailor, to achieve one more thing on the stupid human ritual of marriage, a white dress, I didn't want that, was hot, and the summer was on his own splendour, stupid old man.
When the tailor finished to take my measures, Sir Ward Lyonsen let me go. My goal was reach the room where Karas was practicing the lute, his favourite instrument, every step was filled with joy, in the way, I bought some fruits, acting like a future wife.
I crossed the arch of the manor, the giant wood door, and went upstairs, I didn't heard the lute, so I thinked about he was taking a rest, but I heard laughs and moans, with caution opened the door, and saw the servant and Karas... Karas!... What are you doing Karas?... You don't love me anymore? I don't pleased you? Why Karas? Why?. I don't said that on loud voice, they don't saw me until I let fall the fruit basket. Then they saw me, Karas face was filled of shame, he regrets about that, but no... my heart was filled with sadness. My first tough was pull out my dagger and kill them both... but no, I prefered to let Karas live with the shame and sorrow on his soul, I left the manor, with the screams of Karas, trying to stop me, but I didn't want to look back, I was treasoned, by my own love... but my heart treasoned me when he let me fell in love. So, I left Waterdeep and traveled far away...
Next Chapter: Revenge
Magic. My way of life. Corpses. My only company.
What happened to me? It's this sadness? or only disappointment? A brief state of mind between the revenge and the suicide? What happened to me? Was that winter night on Kuldahar? Was that room? That bed? That girl? That man? The man... yes... only the man... my man... my fiancee... Karas... Karas Lyonsen.
I gave him a brief time of my life, forty years, I rescued him from the ruins of his town overruned by orcs... he was a five years boy when I rescued him, I don't raise him like a mother, I didn't want that tag.
40 years later of his rescue, Karas confessed about his hidden feelings about me, that feeling was love.
Love... the love it's only the mixture of heart, flesh and desire, the need of the humans to engage with another person, of any race, for the fact of not feeling alone, disconcerts me, anyway, I was young and I wanted to explore in deep the human heart, I commited the most wrong action and let the heart pass over my head, and I finally falled in love with him. "I love you" said him, under an oak tree on the forests, I turned the look aside, and said: "Me too", my words didn't have any true, but Karas was a stupid boy and don't get the true meaning of my voice. I raised an illusion on his heart, I felt terrible. I wanted to fix that situation, but the lips of Karas landed on my lips, and... and... I didn't disappoint him, my head doesn't response, my heart did.. I embrace him... I was young... and unexperienced... and wanted to learn, and experience.
Was good, very good, and my heart printed on my head the idea of love, when I only want the carnal pleasure, and nothing more like that. Stupid of me!
Lyonsen telled me about his family, his uncle lives on Waterdeep like a noble, Sir Ward Lyonsen. Karas was very exited of having a girlfriend, and he was raised to be polite and have correct manners, and he wanted to travel there and show me to his uncle.
Polite and correct manners... the carnal desire isn't polite and have correct manners... the carnal desire it's lust in pure escence, and it's dirty, and vanal, barely demoniac, all that things about the bad things of having carnal relationships runned down for me, and that disappointed me a little, how the parents teach the childrens to supress their emotions in name of purity or virtue?.
Anyway, we reached Waterdeep, and visited Sir Ward Lyonsen, the old man saw the picture of his now grown up relative and his girlfriend, an exotic beauty he said. I wandered why he said that, but I feel pleased. But I didn't want to receive more compliments and expressions of a barely dead human, so, I asked for a room, I wanted to read about magic, I missed few days of it, attending Lyonsen needs.
In the dinner, Sir Ward Lyonsen asked about marriage. Marriage... no way, I didn't want to marry, the only idea of being tied to a place, attending one man, and doing stupid things of housewifes repulses me. But the expression of expectation on Karas made me take a step aside and take the marriage.
A nice history at this point, but, now, I felt miserable and stupid, so, let's continue.
In one of my travels around the mannor of Sir Ward, I knew her servant, a red haired human, pretty looking, but I didn't trust her, a beautiful girl being the servant of a pathetic old man. But, respecting Karas and Ward, I don't let my thinkings go out far away of my head.
A few days after the wedding, Sir Ward Lyonsen took me to the tailor, to achieve one more thing on the stupid human ritual of marriage, a white dress, I didn't want that, was hot, and the summer was on his own splendour, stupid old man.
When the tailor finished to take my measures, Sir Ward Lyonsen let me go. My goal was reach the room where Karas was practicing the lute, his favourite instrument, every step was filled with joy, in the way, I bought some fruits, acting like a future wife.
I crossed the arch of the manor, the giant wood door, and went upstairs, I didn't heard the lute, so I thinked about he was taking a rest, but I heard laughs and moans, with caution opened the door, and saw the servant and Karas... Karas!... What are you doing Karas?... You don't love me anymore? I don't pleased you? Why Karas? Why?. I don't said that on loud voice, they don't saw me until I let fall the fruit basket. Then they saw me, Karas face was filled of shame, he regrets about that, but no... my heart was filled with sadness. My first tough was pull out my dagger and kill them both... but no, I prefered to let Karas live with the shame and sorrow on his soul, I left the manor, with the screams of Karas, trying to stop me, but I didn't want to look back, I was treasoned, by my own love... but my heart treasoned me when he let me fell in love. So, I left Waterdeep and traveled far away...
Next Chapter: Revenge